


When The Turtles Leave The Shore

by AzureSynergy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, Drugs, Edenites, Eewie, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I fell in love with this ship so quickly, Injury Recovery, Insecurity, Marlians, Mentions of War, New Discoveries, Now with smut!, Serious Injuries, So many shit jokes, Temporary Amnesia, These Two Dorks Love Each other, Trapped, Using People As Weapons, War, i haven't read the manga, i think, injured, levihan - Freeform, send help, suffocating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2020-07-25 14:11:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 28,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureSynergy/pseuds/AzureSynergy
Summary: Hatchling sea turtles take 3-7 days to dig their way to the surface. Then they risk it all in a treacherous scramble to the sea.Or:The one in which Hanji saves Levi's ass. In more ways than one.





	1. Suffocate

Levi knew something was wrong the moment he opened his eyes. He could hear screaming from far away. Maybe from above him? He blinked, but the dimness didn't clear up. Levi shifted onto his elbows and regretted it instantly. All the air in his lungs escaped with a wheezing scream - leaving him breathless. He collapsed back onto the ground and screwed his eyes shut. 

He took a moment to collect himself, taking quick and shallow breaths to try and control the throbbing heat lancing up from his chest.

"Shit." He rasped into the dusty air.

After what he thought was five minutes, he forced his eyes open again. Levi still couldn't see anything. With a groan he craned his neck to the right. What he saw made his eyes narrow. A small path of sun had somehow stowed through... bricks... concrete... and gave him enough light to see his arm. It was pinned beneath a wooden beam about the size of Eren's Titan leg.

Levi tried wiggling his fingers. His breath stuttered in mild pain. It felt like only two fingers were broken - his middle finger and thumb. Damn, and those were the ones he used the most. Next, he tried wiggling his toes. He was able to move his entire left leg, which didn't seem to be pinned down at all, but his right...

"Fuck, fuck, f-fuck!" Levi shivered and threw his head back. His breathing was uneven and his ribs protested at the sudden stress. He curled up his fingers that weren't broken and dug his nails into his palm. While shivering, he forced himself to focus on evening his breathing. Another minute or two later the throbbing from his right leg slowed down to a dull heat. 

Above him he heard more shouting.

Levi coughed. Felt something wet dribble through his teeth. Tasted blood on his tongue. 

He shivered again and put his head down. Dust invaded his nose. 

Tired. He was so tired. 

Assessing the damage had pretty much drained him. Nonetheless, he didn't allow himself to close his eyes. He knew what would happen if he had a concussion and he fell asleep. A concussion. It seemed unlikely. If he had had a head injury, then light would have fucked his brain up. And so far that tiny path of sun had done no such thing. Levi focused on quieting his breath so he could listen. It seemed like the screaming had stopped for now. What was going on?

"Ugh." Levi wanted to cough again. And throw up. Okay. He started thinking maybe he did have some brain trauma. What was the last thing he remembered? They were... with the horses - riding - and then... the fight in Shiganshina... hn.

The titans... the beast titan... what the hell happened?

From above him something shifted and dust rained down on him. Levi closed his eyes and turned his head. He felt small pieces or rock... clumps of dirt... something, tap on his cheek and click-clack next to his head. Probably, he thought with disgust, some dust even landed in his hair. More shouting could be heard. Closer this time. Levi blinked rapidly to clear some dust from his eyelashes and turned his head back up.

"-answer me! Please!" 

That was Hanji. She sounds panicked? No. Frightened? Not... really. Desperate. Levi settled on desperate. Better not leave her distressed then...

He opened his mouth to shout back, but when he took a deep breath, his eyes widened and whatever he wanted to say died with a strangled - hnng. His eyes scrunched up and his eyebrows practically had intercourse with how close they pulled together. Levi's mouth pulled in a sharp grimace - showing reddened teeth - and letting more blood drip down his lips.

Through the ringing in his ears and the muted white noise filling his thumping head he could make out - 

"Shut up! ... hear that? Over there! -kasa, bring Eren here!"

'Yeah,' Levi thought with a shaky exhale that had his chest caving back in, 'that's definitely Hanji.' 

A moment later he heard the distinct roar of Eren's titan and then...

The roof above him shifted and shook loose more debris. All kinds of shit rained down on him and he did his best to keep his eyes and mouth closed. Despite this, an unholy amount of dust still squeezed its way into his nose. Light shone in through his eyelids, bringing with it the dull ache in his head.

Okay. So he definitely had a concussion.

"Levi!" Hanji's voice was clear now.

He opened his right eye a sliver and peeked up. There he saw Eren straining against the weight of a boulder. It was smaller than the one he used to plug up the wall all those years ago, but still heavy, he supposed. Mikasa was running up from behind the titan and skidded to a halt next to Hanji. They both peeked down to where he lay.

"Crap. It looks like he's hurt bad. Mikasa, do you think you and Armin can lift some of these smaller beams out of the way?"

"Yeah." 

Levi must really be out of it if he didn't notice Armin standing on the other side of Hanji. 

Fuck. His head hurt. 

Levi groaned and closed his eye. Just that small amount of light had made his headache worse. There was shifting all around him, and little by little he felt the weight lift from his right leg. He groaned again as it was jostled and a lance of pain shot up his spine and pooled in his stomach. Bile climbed up his throat. Levi turned his head and spat. Blood and spit and bile. The mess didn't even go far, as he had intended. Instead his efforts of spitting it away fell flat and it seeped down his cheek. Some of the mess landing on his shoulder. 

Ugh. Fucking disgusting. 

"Hold on, Levi! We're almost there. Eren, put down the rock and get that beam off him!"

The beam pinning his arm down sifted.

"Aaaaaah!" 

Who was - oh. Levi stopped screaming and clenched his teeth shut with a growl. Then the weight was gone. His ears were ringing. There was a zip of metal and a hiss of gas. Next thing he knew Hanji was kneeling next to him, cupping his jaw, despite his own filth staining him all over.

"It's okay, darling, we've got you. Shhh."

Levi shivered when he felt her warm hands sliding into his hair. Probably to feel for injuries. Despite that he still indulged in her affection. Shit. He thought she died when the Colossal Titan shifted. Fuck. Thank you. Fuck. She's okay. Fuck.

"Hanji.." He croaked. Damn, he sounded like shit. He swallowed; tasted blood and vomit. 

"Hush now. Don't try and talk. It looks like some of your ribs are broken." Her hands trailed down his torso, applying gentle pressure. Her fingers pressed lower and he groaned slightly, too exhausted to muster anything else. "It's allright, love. We'll get you out of here and sort you out just fine."

Levi opened one eye and looked up at her. With the light splitting at her back and beaming all around her, she looked like an angel. Like those shitty pieces of art... about... Ymir... in the books - they found in the basement. What? When did they do that? Wasn't he about to go take down the beast titan? What?

"Don't try and strain yourself. You've also got a gash on the back of your head."

Oh. Memory loss. Fuck. 

Levi closed his eye again and let his head sag back against the ground. He heard a sharp intake of breath. He felt cold. And tired. 

"Shit! Mikasa hand me the emergency kit now!!"

Another zip and hiss of gas. The air shifted around them. 

"Here you go, Commander. Mikasa went to extract -"

"Not now Armin! Apply pressure here, quickly!" 

Even though his eyes were shut, Levi could swear the world was spinning around him. A sharp pain from his right leg startled him and he arched his back with a chocked off scream. A strong hand on his sternum pushed him back down.

"Don't move! You'll aggravate your ribs! Armin, hold him down while I do this, you can't let him move or his rib will completely puncture his lung. It's already a miracle that it just grazed him. Shit, he's loosing too much blood."

Armin knelt next to him and moved his hands to Levi's shoulders. "Hey, Captain. Don't worry, we're almost done. Then we'll get you out of here, okay?"

More burning pain shot up from his leg and he gasped, eyes shooting open. 

Levi's eyes focused on Arlert. He looked older. His hair was longer. There were shadows under his eyes. How much time did he lose?

"There. Okay. Let's get him out of here." 

Armin's attention shifted to Hanji who stood up and walked back to him.

She knelt down by his head. "Go get the others and tell them to bring the horses closer." 

Armin stood up, gave a quick salute, and was gone.

Hanji, hands shaking slightly - fingers covered in blood - cupped his face and bent down. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Ignoring all the disgusting crap he's covered himself in. When she pulled back he saw slight moisture in her... eye... there was an eye patch other her left eye. Wow. Okay. He missed a lot. 

"Just hold on a little longer, okay?" She wiped dust from his face, only smearing his own blood in its place. 

Ever so gently, Hanji reached behind his shoulders, under his knees and lifted him up with the strength he found so alluring.

By now he was numb to the pain that had been throbbing through his body.

Levi closed his eyes and let her carry him out of the hole he was trapped in. The sun burned his corneas through his lids, but he couldn't care. He couldn't care, because he was in Hanji's arms. She was alive. He may have lost time, but he hadn't lost her. She was alive. He was alive... for now.

He breathed out a shaky sigh. Fresh air went into his lungs. That felt great. 

Levi sagged in Hanji's hold. All the tension in his body just draining away.

"Don't fall asleep, darling."

He gave a curt grunt of acknowledgement. Felt her breathe an equally shaky sigh. Him being grumpy was normal enough. She must be relieved he didn't lose his sparkling personality.

The sound of hooves and whinnying came closer.

"Come on, love, let's get you to the hospital."

Levi wondered, as he felt Hanji climb into the back of a cart with him, if they've already seen the sea. If not, he wouldn't mind going there now with Hanji. Being there with her. With her hands cradling him. Her fingers carding through his hair with a gentleness restricted just for him.

Yeah. He would crawl out a million dusty shitty holes if he could spend time in her arms - receiving her comforting affection.


	2. Silly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji deals with a certain Captain Levi who is doped up on pain meds.

The moment the carriages returned, Hanji jumped off the back and ran over to the medical bay. Levi was passed out in her arms. He was pale and his breathing was shallow. The entire base was like an ants nest. Hanji shouldered her way past the soldiers stationed at the entrance and rushed over to the first empty bed there was. With infinite care, she laid Levi down. She made sure his injured leg was elevated with one of the pillows.

Hanji grabbed the arm of the first nurse she saw and shook his shoulders while screaming: "Get Doctor Keller right now!" The startled boy nodded, body shaking all over. Once she let him go, he ran off to the back - hopefully getting the head doctor. Not wanting to waste precious time, Hanji ran and grabbed bandages, isopropyl alcohol, tweezers, soap, a bowl and a clean wash cloth. Filling the bowl up with lukewarm water, she dipped the cloth, and rinsed his wound while the water was still clean. After doing that, Hanji wringed out the excess water before rubbing soap into the material.

Carefully, she started cleaning away the blood and dirt around Levi's leg wound. Each time she dipped the cloth back into the bowl, the water became dirtier and dirtier. It didn't take too long before Hanji was satisfied and she grabbed the tweezers. Before removing the debris from the wound she looked over her shoulder and glared. Where the hell was that doctor?! Hanji turned her attention back to her injured darling. She sterilized the tweezers with the isopropyl and set to work removing small pieces of rock and splinters.

Working with titans was nothing like fixing a human wound. For one - there was a bigger risk of death if she nicked an artery. Another big difference was that Levi wasn't going to heal himself in a matter of minutes.

When she dropped the last piece of rock into the bowl, she let the tweezers drop with a clang onto the tray and moved to Levi's head. As gently as she could, Hanji moved his hair away from the gash there. She leaned in closer. It wasn't deep at all. She was even confident enough to say that it wouldn't need stitches at all. Dried blood and grey dust covered his hair - so she would have to clean it before she would be able to wrap him up.

It was while she was running to get clean water that the nurse from earlier stumbled up to her. "Doctor Keller is in surgery now, he'll be out in maybe an hour."

Hanji took a moment to calm herself.

"Get me clean water." She shoved the bowl into his hands, looking him dead in the eyes. When he didn't move, Hanji narrowed her eye and leaned forward so he was inches away from her. "Are you waiting for something?" She asked and bared her teeth. The nurse's eyes went wide. He grabbed the bowl and scurried away.

Hanji knew it wasn't the nurse's fault that the doctor was busy. But there was gonna be hell to pay. Levi was stable for now, but if he didn't get his leg set and his injuries treated he might get an infection. Hanji puffed out her chest. She'd be damned if that happened.

The nurse made in back and handed her the bowl. The water was mercifully warm. If it wasn't she would have shown him what the underside of her boot looked like. "Get your ass over here and hand me the stuff."

They both moved over the the unconscious Levi's side.

Hanji put the bowl down on the tray. She took a clean cloth and repeated the cleaning process, but this time on the gash. While she did this, the nurse checked on Levi's leg. "You cleaned the wound properly. It looks like the doctor will have to do a fracture reduction. It looks like his posterior tibial artery was nicked. He would have bled out if... did you stunt the bleeding?"

Hanji finished what she was doing and handed him the cloth. Quickly, he cleaned it, wringed it, and gave it back. Without answering, Hanji proceeded with wiping as much dust from his hair as possible - taking clumps of strands at a time.

It was while they were doing this that Hanji heard someone approaching from behind her. She whipped her head around and glared at whomever dared disturb her - only to find Doctor Keller standing there. Her anger simmered, but she forced it away and gave an overly big smile. Her glasses glinted off the light. "It took you long enough."

Keller only nodded then turned to the nurse who was flicking his eyes between Levi and the scene before him, hands twisting around the cloth he held in his hands. "I see you've already got him cleaned up. How about you take him to the operation room, Swartz?"

The nurse sprung up and nodded - his shoulders squaring. Hanji watched the rapid change - bemused - before turning her attention back to the still sleeping Levi. She combed his bangs away and kissed his forehead - whispering, "You'll be fine now, the doctor's come to fix you up."

Hanji looked at his face again before moving away so Swartz could do as the doctor ordered.

* * *

Levi became aware that his eyes were open the moment he saw a head pop up right in front of him. He stared at the woman for a moment before it registered that this was Hanji. His brain also took a moment to acknowledge what she said: "You okay there?" Warmth moved from somewhere in his head down his neck and into his lungs. Levi nodded and leaned forward. 

Warm hands were on his shoulders, steadying him. Levi noted, lethargically, that his movements weren't as controlled as usual. "Hey shitty glasses." He said and huffed. It was the funniest thing - he called her shitty glasses, even though she only needs one side of her glasses to actually see now. "You know..." Levi drawled, head lolling to the side as he looked at Hanji, who hadn't said anything since he started moving, "I think... should start calling... shitty eyepatch." He snorted. Levi blinked and forced his head back upright - his upper torso swaying with the movement. 

Those warm hands hadn't moved. He focused - finding it hard to retain his train of thought - and looked at Hanji. Levi scoffed when he saw her eye - wide - and her mouth - open in a small 'o'. "What?" He demanded. His usual harshness missing, his voice coming instead as a drawled whisper. One of the hands on his shoulder moved up to cup his cheek. 

"You, are so adorable right now."

What the fuck? Levi's one side slumped forward - the one where Hanji had been supporting him before she started making no sense. A dull throb came from his torso at the movement. "Hnn." Levi frowned and touched his chest. What he felt wasn't the texture of his shirt - it was rougher and more scratchy. What? He didn't understand. Levi rolled his head forward and bent his neck. Bandages? "Hanji..." He trailed off. Eyes closing, then slowly opening. 

"Lie back down for me, will you, darling?" 

He felt Hanji direct him until his back was against propped up pillows. The pressure from his chest slowly retracted, like the wash of the ocean waves over the beach. Levi sat there, eyes opening and closing, thinking that his thoughts were also like the ocean waves. The feeling was nice. He felt fingers caress his scalp and comb through his hair. Opening his eyes, without urgency, he gazed at Hanji. She had moved closer and was sitting on the bed next to him - her hip angled towards him while her legs hung off the side of the cot. 

"Hmmm, you have the silliest expression right now. What are you thinking, I wonder?" 

Levi watched her lips move and took his time to absorb and understand what she said. Without answering, at first, he reached his hand out and gripped her shirt tightly. Perhaps his hold wasn't as tight as he thought when he saw fondness in Hanji's eyes. His hand also felt heavy. "What's wrong with me?" Even just saying that sentence without losing focus was like keeping Eren from making an irrational decision. 

Hanji smiled - a broad smile with teeth and crinkling eyes. "There's nothing wrong with you, my short softy, you're only on some potent pain killers." 

"Huh." Levi took a moment to think about what Hanji said. He used the hand not gripping her shirt to prod at his ribs. There was a dull pressure, but not the sickly green pain he was expecting. "Must be... pretty strong stuff." 

"Well... the 'pretty strong stuff' is called Morphine. It's made from this opium poppy flower we found outside the walls. Doctor Yeager wrote about it's potential in the books we found in the basement. The most fascinating part about the medicine is how it is more potent than any other pain suppressor we have on hand. It also has the desired effect of knocking out the patient for about three to seven hours. This makes it easier for doctors to continue with more pain-intense surgeries without having to worry about the patient's discomfort. Of course other people may see the origin of the name as more fascinating than the effects..."

Levi's head was floating and he found it hard to keep up with Hanji's ramblings. With some difficulty he lifted himself up and kissed her. Hanji responded with a startled yip and pulled away. 

"Levi! Don't move! You'll agitate your injuries! You may not feel like it, but your body is in tremendous pain right now."

"Nooo, shitty eyepatch, come back. I want to kiss you." Levi couldn't even care that he was whining like a shitty little brat right now. All he wanted was to feel Hanji's lips against his. Being hocked up on drugs felt great, but being hocked up on drugs _and _kissing his Hanji... He tightened his grip on her shirt as much as was physically possible in this state and looked her in her eye. 

There was mirth shining in her auburn eye. Levi admired the way her skin crinkled in the corner of her eye and how her smile was just soft enough to keep away that dimple he loved. 

"And why is that, Mr. Clean?" 

Levi blinked at her lazily, completely ignoring the fact that she looked constipated. "Because it feels good," Levi closed his eyes and took a deep breath - loving that he couldn't feel a single thing, "-haven't felt like this in a long time." He murmured and didn't open his eyes again. 


	3. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is so tired. So tired.

Levi sat in bed and stared out of the window. Just outside in the courtyard Eren and Mikasa and Armin were fooling around - making a mess, more like it. He frowned at them. The three of them threw each other with water and Eren even _dared _to throw a single handful of oats in Armin's hair. That brat. As soon as he was able to walk again he was going to put him on stable duty for a month. That will teach him to throw around food like that.

"Tch." He turned away and glared at his sheets - where his leg was. Levi hated the way he would feel pain every time he moved the stupid thing even a fraction of an inch. He flicked his gaze over to his closed door across his room. When was Hanji coming back with his pain meds? For longer than he thought was appropriate he stared at the cracks in the wood and wished he could seal them up, just to get rid of the annoying _imperfection_. 

Once again he found his attention drawn to the stables when he heard Eren laughing. The little shit was in the dirt holding his stomach. Levi saw Mikasa a few steps from her brother, soaked from the head down, an upturned bucket rolling idly at their feet. Armin had a petrified look on his face and was blushing under the playful glare she sent his way. Levi could hear the terrified squeak from here: "It was an accident?" He snorted. What kind of accident would end up with a bucket of water being thrown over someone's head? Armin was a terrible liar anyway. 

Despite himself, Levi was interested in what Mikasa would do next.

He watched, utterly bored, when she took the bucket and walked away. That was anti-climactic. Levi didn't think that overprotective pigeon had it in her to stay levelheaded. She must be taking a moment to think about her revenge, he thought, as he watched Eren get up and make a futile effort to brush the dirt from his _white _uniform pants. Levi took a breath to push down his growing annoyance. Looks like he'll have to give Eren extra laundry duty on top of stable duty...

Mikasa came back with two buckets of water. She put them both down, picked up one of the discarded brushes and went over to the neglected horse they were supposed to groom. Water still dripped from her hair, and her clothes were still soaked. Levi narrowed his eyes. What exactly was she planning? Eren and Armin seemed to be thinking the same thing since they sported the same frowns of confusion. Armin was the first to figure it out though - Levi saw the way his eyes widened and he scrambled backwards. He wasn't fast enough though, because Mikasa slapped the mare's flank, effectively startling her. She kicked her hind legs - disturbing the buckets and sending the contents splattering over both of the boys.

Eren wiped the... oh. Levi took a moment to stare at the mess Mikasa created. Apparently there wasn't water in the buckets. He closed his eyes and made a valiant effort to convince himself it was mud. He only opened his eyes again when he heard Mikasa's jeering words: "Oh no! It was an accident." 

Levi shuddered. Better them than him. Then again, he supposed they'll choose a bucket of_ mud _over being cripple every time they were given the option. He turned his head sharply when he heard the doorknob turn. Levi felt his heart speed up and reached under his pillow where he kept his switchblade. He clenched his hand around the smooth metal and narrowed his eyes at the door. Instantly his shoulders sagged when Hanji elbowed her way in. She focused on precariously balancing the tray against her chest while one of her hands fumbled with the door handle. 

Seeing her fumble her way inside made Levi take a deep breath. 

"Sorry I took so long." Hanji laughed obnoxiously and shut the door with her foot. He narrowed his eyes on where the underside of her filthy boot pressed against the cracked wood and pressed the heavy thing closed. "The kitchen was busy making lunch and they wouldn't listen to me when I asked for your food earlier. I didn't want to give you your medicine on an empty stomach, you know?" Levi grunted and took his hand back from under his pillow as slowly as possible so Hanji wouldn't notice. He wasn't in the mood for her teasing. 

She plunkered her way over to him, thankfully holding the tray with both hands and unceremoniously dropped onto the bed next to him. "Anyway, so I couldn't bring you any of the meat they were cooking up, but when they weren't looking I snatched some bread and these fruits called _mangoes _\- I also managed to get some cheese. I had to make a run for it, when they saw me, though. HAHAHAHA! I didn't want them following me here though, so I took a detour through the gardens..." That would explain the dirt on her boots and -

"Hanji, there's a twig in your hair."

"Oh?" She looked up with her one eye, and managed to make even that look ridiculous. Levi went to get it out, but widened his eyes when Hanji placed the tray on his lap - mindless over the fact that it was tilting off. He grabbed it before it could fall to the floor and spill the syringe and the hard-won hoard of food. Hanji reached both her hands up and pulled the twig from between her tresses, also managing to find a flower and a leaf. "Ha! Look at that! Next time I'll find a different way to shake them. Now that I think about it, I didn't hear them shouting after me..." 

Levi sighed as he watched her place the offending objects on his bedside table. "Hanji, you're the Commander. I doubt those shits would yell at you for taking food. You made yourself dirty for no reason." He glared at her boots. "And you better clean up the mud you dragged in here." He sneered at the trail she left across his room. "Haha, sorry about that." Hanji, the fucker, didn't even sound remorseful in the least. If something she sounded giddy. 

"Yeah, whatever. Just give me my shot. My leg's been annoying me and I'm getting tired of hearing those brats giggling."

Hanji rolled her eye and reached for this strange looking ball thing on the tray. "Someone's grumpy today. I hope you're not taking it out on someone." He watched her glancing out the window - probably at the filthy Yeager brat - and smirking. Levi diverted his eyes to her hands were she was holding the yellow and red thing. "So is that the fruit you got from the kitchen?" He hadn't seen anything like it before so it must be. 

"Yeah," She started, holding the fruit with one hand and reaching under his pillow with the other, "Since we started exploring more a whole new world has opened up to us! Oh Levi, you should see it! There are trees with thorns, like roses, but they're way longer and white - shaped almost like needles, and we even discovered these plants that wilt when you touch them! The cool part is, that after a few seconds they straighten out again and look green and fresh! It's so cool! Unfortunately we don't get to give all these new things much attention, though." Hanji pulled out his switchblade and flipped it open.

Levi forced annoyance to take the place of the blush that started working onto his face. "Oh yeah? And why's that - because you have to babysit me all day?" He knew he was being a baby and that Hanji was here because she was more worried than she let on, but he didn't need her to stay here just because he was out for the count. Hanji started cutting the skin off the mango, revealing juicy yellow flesh beneath. "Don't be ridiculous, shorty." She frowned, and he assumed it was because she was focusing on keeping the skin in a single long strip while she cut all around. "We're busy most of the day with battle plans. Those Marlians have weapons we've never even _dreamed_ of. I don't..." Hanji took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She took the skin she peeled off and put it next to the twig on his bedside table. A vein in Levi's temple twitched as he watched the sticky mess dripping onto his perfectly clean table. He clenched his jaw. 

She started cutting yellow pieces of fruit and put them on the plate on the tray. "We need to build boats to get across the sea to fight them off, but we also need to defend Paradis, and so far we only have two Titans fighting for us. We need more weapons other than Eren and Armin to fight against them. The rifles we have are nothing compared to their guns. Levi..." Hanji took a moment to finish stripping the flesh from the pit of the mango before focusing on him. "I don't know when exactly you're going to get back your memories from the two weeks before the accident, but - for your sake - I hope you don't."

Only when she stopped talking did she looked down at her hands. The knife was sticky with juice as well as her fingers. Some of the juice dripped onto his sheets. "Oh hell. I forgot to bring a handkerchief." 

Levi sighed, more than agitated now with the mess she was making. She wasn't even here for more than five minutes and already his table, his sheets, his knife and his floor were decorated with filth. "There's one in my dresser." He forced out from between his teeth. His leg was already throbbing, so was his head. Levi closed his eyes again and focused on the sound of her footsteps as she fetched something to clean her hands. He peeked an eye open and looked at the syringe sitting on the tray - wishing she would just give him the damn morphine already so he could go to sleep and forget about his pain and about how he doesn't remember how he ended up pinned under that building. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written a series in a long time. I didn't even think this would end up as one, but here we are. I'm pantsing this shit, so if there are inconsistencies and plotholes, I don't really care. At this point I'm only writing when I have time and my emotions force me to seek a positive way of working them out. 
> 
> This has the effect of me forgetting about details, like: Did Levi hurt his LEFT leg or his RIGHT leg?
> 
> This story is shit, but I'm only going forth with it, because:  
1) I don't abandon my stories.  
2) I'm not going to end this story with a less than satisfactory ending.  
3) There might be some of you who actually want to read this - so I'm not going to hurt you by fucking this up.
> 
> So if you have details to share with me that might make this better - go ahead. Just know my updates are irregular and this story won't be finished any time soon. Also, I'm writing these things online, because I don't have Word or whatever, so if the chapters end abruptly, it's because I got tired of writing and posted it as is.
> 
> This is me doing my best to keep the promise I made to my maatjie one year ago.


	4. Strangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji notices something is up.

Hanji watched Levi from the corner of her eye as she went to get a handkerchief from his dresser. He was propped up against his pillows next to the window that cast a halo of white light over him and the sheets. His eyes were closed. She also picked up on how controlled his breathing was - almost like he was forcing himself to... Hanji opened the drawer and found a stack of perfectly folded shirts, cravats and, more importantly, handkerchiefs. She took one and wiped her hands - grateful to get rid of the mess - even if just to appease Levi. He was more irritated today. Hanji looked over her shoulder as she closed the dresser. Under Levi's lashes she could see a sliver of silver-blue peeking down at the tray. She smiled surreptitiously. He must be hungry.

"Okaaaay! Here we go." She bounced over and took her place next to him, dumping the half dirty cloth on the tray next to Levi's medicine. Hanji bent down and started taking off her boots while declaring: "You can start eating, short stick, no need waiting for me!" Once both her shoes were off she swung her legs onto the bed and settled next to her little lover. She observed him as he took a sharp breath and she felt his leg give a barely perceptible jerk. Levi did a marvelous job of keeping his face impassive. Hanji tensed and removed the tray from his lap and placed it on the table before ripping the sheet off. Quickly she dropped off the side of the bed and knelt next to his leg. 

His poor leg looked traumatized. An angry red around the stitches and puffy - terribly warm to the touch. "Levi!" Hanji screeched and carefully pressed cool fingers against his injury. He jerked away. When she looked up at his lack of reply she saw his chest heave and his jaw clenched tighter than a Titan's. "Where are your bandages?" She abandoned his leg to go back to his dresser. She opened the bottom drawer where she knew he kept... lotion. Grabbing the bottle and a long strip of cloth, she hurried back, padding over the polished floor, avoiding the mud her boots imprinted onto the wood, and knelt next to him again. 

"They scratched me so I took them off." He gritted out. 

"You can't just do that!" Hanji sighed. "Your leg can get infected if it's not covered." She took a moment to meet his eyes and give him the most stern scowl she could muster. "You could lose your leg. Do you want that?"

Levi's reaction was instantaneous. His eyes flared with anger and he directed a sharp glare at her. "It's not like I can use the fucking thing now anyway, so what difference would it make?!"

Hanji straighted up and met his gaze without flinching. "What difference would it make? You would be dischared! Then where would you go? You can't exactly stay in the army if you're one limb short!"

"And why the fuck not? Erwin managed just fine without an arm!" 

"That was different! You're not Erwin, Levi!"

"And neither are you!"

That shocked her enough to recoil, her one eye widening. Levi knew that she had doubts about herself as the new commander. He knew well enough how much pressure she was under. 

"That was a low blow, Levi, even for you." Hanji turned her head to the side. "Just finish eating so I can give you your medicine and leave."

She heard shuffling, saw Levi's leg move from the corner of her eye. A few minuted passed in silence. Outside she could make out laughter and the sloshing of water. Hanji figured Eren and Mikasa and Armin were almost done with their shift. 

Levi's voice cracked the silence like a rumbling thunderstorm. "I'm done."

She got up from where she sat with her back against the bed and took the tray for his lap. Hanji pointedly ignored how Levi barely even ate anything, instead focussing of prepping the needle with the morpine.

"I'll send Eren in later to check on you." Hanji groused as she put the needle in the crook of his arm and pressed the plunger.

"Hmmm." Was all he said in reply before sinking back into his pillows and deliberately closing his eyes. 

After finishing up and grabbing everything, she left, ignoring the mud on the floor. 

Eren will just have to clean up that mess as well. 

Hanji was in no mood to spend more time with the lord of grumpiness today. Maybe she'll have more strength tomorrow.


	5. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes a swim

Floating was the best sensation on earth, Levi decided. There wasn't any resistence. Nothing to pull him down. No pain. Not even a solid thought could penetrate the fog surrounding his head. It was heaven. Feeling like this... floating - was even better than his experience from when he first saw the world outside the walls. 

Levi took a deep breath. He felt his chest strain against the bandages around his torso. It itched and the sensation was annoying. Or at least, it had itched, before he felt another wave of heat wash down from his head and into his belly. The warmth pooled in his stomach and settled like a heavy weight. 

The irritation ebbed away. 

Replacing all his winding thoughts with simply nothing. Levi opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. There were shadows put there by the late afternoon sun. It painted the usually egg white roof in a golden glow that reminded him of Historia's cown. 

Lazilly, he turned his head and looked at the table next to the bed. The tray was still there, the plates were gone as well as the food he hadn't touched. All that remained was the tray. Empty. He wondered why Hanji didn't take the tray? 

Something akin to shame made his heart go from a canter to a trot. He had hurt Hanji. Levi vaguely remembered saying something that made her face cave in. Seeing her recoil like that reminded him of the little girls from the underground who would shy away from adult men. 

His mouth went dry and his tongue tasted something akin to a gall bladder exploding in his mouth. The disgusting sensation of shame lasted less than a minute before another wave of warmth crawled down his chest and settled in his stomach. 

When Levi opened his eyes the first thought he had was, when did he close them? His eyes took a moment to play back into focus. On the table next to the tray was a bottle of lotion and one of his blindfolds. When did that get there? He usually kept these items in his bottom drawer...

He reached out a heavy hand. His fingers bumped dumbly against the corner of the wood. Levi angled his hands and grabbed the soft material next to the body cream. Lethargically, he pulled the blindfold closer and hugged it to his chest. Levi remembered buying this.

About a month's worth of wages was spent on the slim strip of silk. It sure as hell felt better than the itchy bandages he was covered in. Hmm. He closed his eyes. Did Hanji chose this blindfold to bind his leg? That made no sense. This blindfold wasn't meant for wounds. 

From across the room he heard the door creak. "Hanji?" He slurred hopefully and managed to lift his head. Cast in dark golden light stood Mikasa, one hand balancing a plate skillfully while the other closed the door.

"No, sir, Commander Hanji is busy with battle plans in the war room. I came to give you your dinner."

Levi glared at her and dropped his head, his muscles giving up. "Ackerman." He groused in lieu of a greeting. 

"Ackerman." She snapped right back. Disrespectful brat. Next thing he knew she was right next to him, slamming his plate onto the tray. He really hated these lapses in attention the medicine gave him. Sometimes. Not really. Whatever it took to get her out of here faster. 

"You know," she started, her voice as cold as cave water, "being impolite to Commander Hanji isn't going to get you to heal faster. She's trying her best." 

"Get out. I don't need a babysitter to help me eat." His words came out with a duller edge to it than he intended. Levi wanted to blame the medicine, but the feeling in his chest winked at something else. 

"Sir!" Mikasa gave a perfect salute then left. Levi's eyes followed her departure dutifully, until his attention was hooked by a sleuth of mud marks on his floor. What the- 

He saw a pair of boots tipped over on the floor next to his bed. Hanji... Levi blinked. She left here barefoot? Was that maniac wandering around the base barefooted? He grit his teeth, distantly feeling a headache build up before his irritation was swept away suddenly as another wave of pleasant warmth migrated down and settled in his breast. 

Levi's eyes rolled back and he didn't fight the sensation of complete serenity. He shuddered in felicity. Holy fuck. When was the last time he felt so... calm? And relaxed? Shit. 

He took another deep breath, trying and failing to shove away the cotton in his head enticing him to sleep. Levi wanted to eat at least some of the food Mikasa brought him. He could smell the feast waiting for him. One perk of opening up more farming and hunting land...

One deep breath later and his eyes were open, settled on the tray that appeared in his lap. When had he sat up? Wait - when had he put the tray on his lap? Where did he get the strength to -

"Are you just going to stare at the beef the entire night or are you going to take a bite?"

Levi snapped his head to the side, the world spinning out of focus. He blinked. Hanji's face was revealed when the blurriness finally decided to fuck off.

"Woah there, darling, are you okay?" He felt two strong hands on his shoulders. Levi shuddered. "Thought... were angry with me?" He breathed. 

He heard her sigh; smelled her stale breath. "Levi, just because we had a... small arguement, doesn't mean I'm going to ignore you. You're still my tiny love. You should still treat me better, I didn't deserve the tone you took with me."

Levi forced his muscles to obey and flung himself towards her. Both his arms wrapped around her waist. He pressed his forehead to her sternum. "Damn, shitty eyepath." He husked. 

Hanji grabbed the tray before Levi could knock over the bowl of beef soup. "Levi! You're even worse than me, you know?" She sighed again. He felt her breath ruffle his hair. Levi knew she only allowed the contact for now because she would later command him to eat everything. She always wanted something in return.

Levi forwned and patted her waist, reached around her and prodded the small of her back. "You're skinnier." He pouted and looked up at her. 

A blush reddened her cheeks. "S-shut up and eat!" He saw her take a scoop of stew and stuff the spoon in his mouth before he could process what was happening. 

While chewing, Hanji filled up the silence. "You slept most of the time I was gone. I peeked in now and again. I wanted to bring your dinner, but I needed to figure out where to send the recruits without getting them killed on their first battle. I came a while after Mikasa brought your food, but you were just staring at the ceiling."

Levi swallowed, blinked, then shrugged. "I can't remember." He saw her frown slightly. 

"Maybe I should lower your dosage." 

Now it was Levi's turn to frown. He took the spoon from Hanji's hand and stirred the stew in bored circles. He took another bite, took his time chewing before swallowing. "Yeah." He murmured. 

He continued eating while Hanji explained how they were going to lead another assault on Marley in two weeks. Levi pretended he was listening, wanting nothing more than to finish so he could sleep - go back to floating. 

It was only when the spoon scraped the bottom of the bowl that he zoned back into what Hanji was saying. "You finished it all! Good job! This is the first time in a couple of days that you ate everything! I think you're getting better." 

He nodded absent-mindedly, allowing Hanji to take the spoon from his hand and move the tray to the table. When she turned back to him to continue the conversation where she left off, Levi deposited his head back on her sternum. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. She smelled of sweat. Fucking disgusting. He took another deep breath. 

"I'm sorry... said those things." He mumbled. Levi lifted his hand to grip her shirt. He loved the texture. Hands in his hair. A hand on his back. Hmmm. That's nice. 

"Just," Another tired sigh, "try and be calmer, darling. You're really agitated these days. You'll get better, then you can join us on the battle field again." She rubbed his back, and he felt like he actually believed her words. Maybe he just needed to take a step back and let himself heal. 

"I'll try." He promised. And since when has Levi ever broken a promise?


	6. Sparkling part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When cleaning doesn't have the same effect on Levi than it did before...

Another soapy rag slapped the floor. Raw-red knuckles scraped away at the mud that honestly wasn't there anymore. Levi hated it - hated it - HATED IT. He hated how he couldn't sleep since he was woken by that nightmare. 

He had realised only after catching his breath and wiping away sweat that it wasn't a dream. That nightmare was a memory. So he hobbled out of bed, fell to the floor in a pained heap, and crawled all the way to the cleaning supply closet. 

Levi had been rubbing away at the bootprints since the crickets pulled out their violins right up until he could hear the birds entering with their enthusiastic chorus. But there was still... fucking... dirt everywhere! He dunked the threadbare piece of shit into the bucket next to him - wrung its neck. Threw it on the floor. Scrubbed until his skin split at the knuckles. 

"Raaaagh!" Levi flung the rag across the room. It hit the door with a wet flwap. Fell down, trailing mud and blood. Dropped. Lay dead. Levi grabbed his hair with both hands and tugged. He screwed his eyes shut. Rocked back and forth. 

The gash on the back from where he hit is head on the concrete throbbed. He ignored it - pulled harder. His knees throbbed too. His leg burned. Levi ignored the warm wetness he felt from his right leg. He had done a spectacular job at ignoring it since he woke. 

Now, now he just wanted to - 

Levi's strained shoulders sagged. His hands loosened. Hair strands spilled gently from beween fingers. He sat down on his ass and brought his legs forward. Levi hissed as his right leg straightened out. He clenched his jaw and frowned. His left leg tingled with pins and needles. His right leg, which apparently had been bound with the silk blindfold by Hanji sometime after he fell asleep, was leaking blood. 

Without any fucks to give, Levi ripped the tourniquette from his leg and slammed it into the soapy water. The stitches were yawning at him, the skin an agitated red - from what he could see around the torrents of blood slipping down. With no pressure the restrict the flow more blood gathered on the floor. 

All this did was make Levi growl. "Spend five fucking hours scrubbing the floor only to end up making it dirty yourself. Can't do anything right." He didn't move. Just kept on staring at his abused leg. His knees were killing him. 

Outside, the sun raised its head above the window pane.

Levi breathed in. By now he would have forgotten about the reason why he started cleaning. Cleaning always got him to calm down and forget about whatever was bothering him. But what was bothering him... he couldn't forget what he saw in the nightmare.

Hanji was right. She wished he would never remember. Maybe if he wished along with her, his memories wouldn't have returned at all. Levi breathes out.

He felt tired. Levi swayed. Leaned back on his elbows. Slipped on the wet floor. Felt his back hit the wood. Saw stars as his head hit the wood. His gash throbbed. The birds outside reached their crescendo. The cock crowed - and the symphony came to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. This took me 2 hours to write. I'm tired. Next chapter will pick up where this one left off.


	7. Sparkling part 2

Levi didn't know how much time passed, but there was a rhythmic thumping that made his consciousness pop to the surface and take a gulp of breath. His eyes opened and looked at a ceiling that was awash with soft grey light.

"Sir, may I come in?"

He recognised Eren's voice. He also recognised a familiar throbbing. 

"Fuck off Yeager." He slurred and forced himself onto his elbows. There wasn't any dizziness. Although, he had a strong desire to lay back down and sleep again. 

There was a pause. "Are you all right, Captain?" There wasn't any concern or a trace of worry in Yeager's voice. Just an edge of hardness that Levi knew meant the impulsive shit will storm in here like a stallion in heat if he didn't stop slurring and get his act together.

He clenched his jaw and tried again. "Unless you want to see my bare ass, I suggest you let me dress in peace!" Now THAT'S more like it. Levi puffed up his chest. There was enough steel in his voice to get Yeager floundering. 

Levi imagined the boy with a face like a mutt looking for a place to shit. He almost managed to smile. 

"That's okay, Captain, I'll wait out here while you finish."

Well shit, Levi thought - all traces of accomplishment draining. He had hoped Yeager would go away, tail between his legs, so why was he staying? 

A quick scan around him, had his heart rate twitch. Blood caked against his leg and there was a small puddle on the ground. Hell. Levi sat up and reached for the bucket of soapy water. Only to find the rag missing. Looking all around him, he couldn't find shit. Until he remembered he flung the thing all the way across the room against the door. Fuck. 

His leg disagreed with his movements as he elbow-crawled all the way to the door and grabbed the useless piece of dried out material and crawled back.

Rag-to-floor, he scrubbed away the evidence of earlier's tirade. In record time he had the blood gone and the bucket hidden beneath the bed. Not much could be done about his leg, so he just got into bed and covered it with the blanket.

"What do you want?" He called in place of telling the brat he could come in. Luckily Eren had enough braincells to understand what he meant, as he came in. 

"Not much, just wanted to give you some company." The boy dragged over the chair and sat. 

Levi narrowed his eyes and kept his mouth clamped shut. Eren stared at him. Levi glared back. The brat scratched his ear. Levi increased the potency of his glare. 

"Okay, I didn't come to keep you company."

He already knew this. Neither spoke until Eren shrugged and stood up. 

"I just wanted to know if you had the cleaning bucket? Usually it's in the closet down the hall, but when I looked for it... You're the only person I could think of who would know where it is." 

"Do I look like someone capable of walking around rearanging the whereabouts of buckets while everyone is sleeping? What? Do you think I'd do something like that for shits and giggles? Just get another bucket." Levi resisted rolling his eyes. He wasn't about to lose dignity by looking like an invalid having a stroke just to express his exasperation.

"Of course not, sir! I wasn't implying... ah, sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." Yeager rubbed the back of his neck for some reason. That gesture never struck him as meaningful. What was the purpose of scratching your neck when flustered? It wasn't like the brat could scratch away stupidity. 

"Tch. Why do you need to bucket so early anyway?" Levi looked out the window and saw the sun slowly shining away the purple horison. 

"I suppose I wanted to have something to do before breakfast? I can't seem to sit still these days." Eren shifted his weight from leg to leg. Levi found his eyes drawn to the movement and admired the muscles shifting beneath the brat's white pants uniform.

"Hm." Levi hummed shortly, looking away in slight embarrasement. "Don't lie, you've never been one to do nothing. I swear it's like you have nails sticking up your ass everytime you sit down."

Eren huffed and looked at his feet. Levi felt smug when he saw the brat's cheeks become pink. He decided to drag out his suffering. "I suppose your cleaning will have to do seeing as I'm out of comission for now. But by the looks of it the buckets got sick of your dirty hands and decided to play hide and seek."

"I'm not dirty!" Yeager retaliated - predictably - and fell right into Levi's trap.

"Close your mouth, brat, what is that I smell - horse crap? You've been playing with the buckets in the stable?"

As expected Yeager's eyes went saucer-wide and his mouth dropped open like a cart flap with a broken hinge. Levi snorted. Sometimes the brat made it too easy. 

"Go polish the boots and oil the manuevre gear - give the buckets a break from your breath."

Eren was too stunned to say anything, so he merely nodded and took his leave. 

This time Levi did manage a smile - a slight upturn of the mouth - and the twinge in his leg and the back of his head was momentarilly forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Probably filled with spelling errors. Meh. 
> 
> Wrote this to chase away the nihilist blues.


	8. On the horison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Hanji plan and bicker.

Levi, left leg crossed over his right, took another sip of his tea before asking.

"So you're sending the scouts on a reconnaisance mission?" He raised a well-groomed eyebrow. Across the table from him Hanji nodded and slammed her hand down on the map of Paradis spread over the wood.

"We need to know what's happening on our shores. Also, if we find out how many troops Marley sent, we would be able to throw a surprise attack and commandeer their ships for ourselves!"

"And how are you planning on secretly getting our troops where they need to be?" Levi put his cup down and leaned forward. His ribs healed well over the passed week he was forced into bedrest. Unfortunately he didn't really give his leg any down time. He clenched his jaw when his right leg twinged. 

A firm finger was placed on the map - right where the Forest Of Giant Trees was. "This is about halfway between wall Maria and The Shore. If we use Eren and Armin we can create an underground headquaters. It would make it easier to move troops and equipment." 

Hanji hummed, then wrote down his suggestion in her pocket book. "Having both of them transform there would be giving away our position. Lightning doesn't exactly scream: CLANDESTINE!"

Levi shrugged and sat back. "Have them transform here and make the journey on foot. They can lug a bunch of equipment there, too." He reached for his tea and took another sip. Levi watched Hanji over the end of the cup and smiled. 

In the candle light of his room she looked soft and beautiful. The only thing to put a crack in the façade was the frown of concentration and oily hair - washed, in his approximation, three days ago. He watched her lips move as she muttered and tapped her pencil against her cheek. Grey patches littered her fingers.

Levi smiled, took a proper sip, and put his empty cup back on its saucer. 

"Say, Levi..." Hanji trailed off while scribbling more notes. He watched her take out a compass and circle around the area he pointed out on the map. "You grew up in the underground," She continued, took a ruler and drew the radius. 

"Hmm." He hummed at her to continue, eyes fixed on her fingers expertly navigating and... well. He wasn't sure what she was doing. Levi never understood math. 

"So you know the construction." She finished with the map, the pencil being placed signalling the end of her design. Oh. Levi understood what she was getting at. 

With a sigh he uncrossed his legs and scooched forward to the edge of his seat. "I know what you're going to ask of me," Levi shook his head and gave a small smirk, "but I can't exactly draw a perfect blueprint for the new HQ, Commander Zoë." He threw his arms out and shrugged. "I am skilled, yes, but not with stationary."

Levi puffed out his chest a little when Hanji cackled and threw her head back. She grabbed her stomach as her laughing died down to small snickers. "I'm sorry -phew - wow. Sorry, love. I know you didn't mean it as a joke, but," Hanji shook her head and wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye, "I'm just imagining you sitting at a desk signing documents and doing PAPERWORK!" 

He leaned back a little when she dissolved again into hysterical laughter. "Yeah, well, you can't exactly work with papers when you're illiterate."

Hanji blew out her last laugh and took a deep breath. Her face was red and there were tears in her eye. "I must be tired if I'm laughing at nothing."

Levi scoffed. "You must be tired all the time then."

"You have no idea, grumpskin." Hanji stood up and grabbed her empty cup with her grey hands. The candle flickered at her swift movements. She set to retrieving the pot of tea on his bedside table. Levi pressed down the urge to sneer at her stained hands touching his pristine porcelain. 

"What the fuck is a 'grumpskin'?" He said instead of tearing her a new arsehole. Hanji came over and carefully filled up his empty cup. Levi scrutinised the movement, ready to intervene should her hand waver. He wasn't about the spoil four hours of map work and planning over an unfortunate tea-incident. 

"That's the definition for who you are, my dear: a grumpy munchkin." Hanji put the pot out of the way again before sitting down with her cup again. 

Levi got up on his wonky leg and took his cup, waiting for her to take a sip - watching. "And what is the definition of munchkin, if I way dare to ask." He watched her raise the cup and lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh you may dare, my dear," she took a sip then recoiled - shouted dramatically - "That's cold!" and proffered her up to him. He scoffed and took her tea. "That's because the tea was made two hours ago." 

"You made me do all the pouring knowing the tea was cold! How dare you, Levi?" She threw her head over the back of her chair and wailed to the ceiling, throwing her hands up in a mournful pantomime of a person perishing. 

"You said I may dare. You even added a 'my dear' in there if I'm not mistaken." 

She sat up suddenly and gasped. "That was your revenge for me calling you a grumpskin, wasn't it?!" 

Levi hobbled over to his bedside desk and put both cups down. He took the pot in both hands and turned around. "Your observation restored my faith in you being our Commander." He flattoned, eyes half lidded and head tilted slightly. "Now if you'll excuse me."

He walked out the door and towards the kitchen. It wasn't that far from his room. Just down three flights of stairs, down the short corridor and to the right. The quick walk to and from the kitchen (and subsequently the roudy mess hall) was a perfect trade for the peace and quiet his room afforded him. 

The only drawback was he didn't have a room with a view. Only a single window where he saw snotnosed brats shit-shoveling the stables each day. Disgusting.

He was halfway down the first flight when Hanji popped up next to him and hooked her arm with his. "Didn't think you'd move so fast! I had to pack away our work for the night. If I have to plan one more thing my brain is going to pop."

Levi didn't mind the company. "Did you bring the cups?" He looked into her face and saw the exact moment realisation dawned. 

"I'll be right back!" Hanji yelled, way too loud for this hour of the night. He watched her take two stairs at a time as she hoofed it back to his room. Levi sighed and struggled down a couple more stairs before Hanji made it back. "Victory!" She declared and brandished his prized porcelain. 

"Watch it, shitty glasses." He calmed her down by hooking his arm around hers. Anything to get her to stop flailing around his third tea set. The first set he bought was in the underground...

"Where were you going by asking me if I grew up in the underground?" He asked out of the blue, remembering the odd question from earlier.

"Oh! Yes. I wanted to know if you can advise the architechts when they're drawing plans up. Knowing your eye for details, I figured you can offer sound insight on how to not only make an underground HQ, but also improve it."

They hobbled to the kitchen at a snail's pace, Levi having to lean against Hanji here and there when his leg cramped up. Levi thought about her words while he leaned against her, regaining his strength. They stood in the hallway. 

"It's not just that, right?" He probed and stood straight. They kept walking. Hanji was like a solid force next to him, every time he faltered or stumbled over his fucking useless leg, she was there to stand strong and keep him from falling on his face. 

"You're not wrong. I wanted to get you to help with the project, seeing as it's your idea. But... I also wanted to know more about you, grumpy. You never talk about - before."

Levi let her words sink in as they finally made it to the kitchen. Hanji left him leaning against the prep-counter while she went to the sink and washed out the cups. 

"Weren't you the one to tell me the past is better left forgotten?" Levi quiped and hobbled over to the stove. He put the pot on boil then turned to face Hanji. She came over and handed him the first cup. Levi lifted it against the lantern and scrutinised her work. 

"I told you it was better if you forgot what happened before you got your injuries. I wasn't implying you should turn your back on your past."

Levi nodded, handed her the cup - it was sufficiently clean - and took the second cup that was offered to him. 

"By your logic I should forget what gave me my injuries.  
That basically tells me to forget what happened during my life in the underground. It doesn't matter anyway. What happened, happened. We can't change that."

He nodded again and handed her the second cup. "Not bad." 

"Whoo! Point me for the clean team!" Hanji pumped her fist into the air, cup still clenched between fingers. She sobered up oretty quick when Levi kicked her in the shin. "Stop flailing my crockery about like a flag." He reprimanded and yanked the porcelain from her hand. 

Levi hobbled over the the whistling pot and took it by its wooden handle - and placed it in the prep-table along with both cups. While waiting for the tea to cool he lounged next to Hanji, leaning back against the table staring at the wall.

"You're right," Hanji began in a sober tone, arms folded over her chest, staring ahead at the wall, "we can't change the past." Levi kept staring ahead, feeling unsettled with the amount of seriousness this woman was capable of with the flip of a coin. 

"That doesn't mean we can't learn from our mistakes. If we don't, then history will repeat itself. In this case, I suspect that it might rhyme."

Levi had no idea what the hell she was on about. But the steam from the tea was beckoning and his leg wanted nothing more than to stretch out on his bed. He let the subject drop. 

"Just get me to bed, wil you?" He stood straight and scrutinised Hanji's unkemp appearance. 

"Right after I give you a bath."

Tonight wasn't going down easy when he heard her screech: "Not again!! Noooo!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My phone is on 1% sorry for the abrupt end. Had to post it before my phone dies. Shit.


	9. Cleanliness is next to Levi-ness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji is a horny görl.

After the tea was long gone and the bath filled with steaming water, Levi lowered himself into the heat with a pleasured hiss. He closed his eyes and sank deeper.

Feeling the water lap over his skin was heavenly.

"Oh no, don't bother waiting for me. I'm just over here keeping our clothes out of the way and dry."

"Get in here, Hanji, I'm too tired to drag you in here... again." 

He heard her drop his clothes with an insufferable sigh - melodramatic if you asked him - and heard her shuffle as she got undressed. At least she wasn't being a brat about it tonight. Small miracles. He smiled as he felt the water move - Hanji yipping at the scorching temperature - thinking it was actually a big miracle that the got in the bath without a glorified war breaking out between them. 

"Why do you always heat up the tub that it's on par with the Collosal Titan's steam?" 

He opened his eyes and watched her. Levi was too tired to frown when he saw that she only put her feet in the water. "Because the longer you soak the colder it gets." Everyone knew this. It was basic knowledge. Hm. Everyone who bathed, that is.

Despite the fact that Hanji was elluding standard hygiene, he found his eyes trailing over her body. From her collarbones down to her bellybutton, over her long legs - thickened with muscle. Damn. Why did she have to be so dirty? If she wasn't he would...

Levi took a breath, thankful that the steam was causing their skin to tint red. He snapped his eyes back up to her face and thought of anything to distract his previous train of thought. 

"C'mere." He beconed her closer with his hand and sat up, his chest lifting out the bath. Hanji scooted around the rim unflatteringly like a dog with worms and settled next to him. She looked down on him. As per usual. "Well - in you get. It's not worse than pulling Yeager from his Titan."

Reluctantly, Hanji slipped her legs under the surface and lowered herself until she was abreast with him. She shivered. Levi lifted his head sideways - impressive: she was half submerged and didn't have a complete freakout. 

He watched her for a moment longer. Through the steam rising delicately he could see her eye go foggy - lost in memories. Levi was no stranger to that look. He placed his hand on top of her head and forced her to turn and look at him. The glosiness vanished with a blink. 

Gently he trailed his wet hand down back her hair and found the knot to her eyepatch. He touched it - and looked into Hanji's eye. 

"Go ahead." She granted facetiously. 

Levi hated that he hesitated, but Hanji's permission was a tad too upbeat to write off as her usual personality. Keeping his face painfully neutral, Levi took the leap. The string unknotted and fell away like a twig breaking in half. 

Hanji reached up and took the cup of her patch. She pulled it away and put it on the floor next to the bath. Before he could get a glimpse of her face, Hanji took a quick breath and submerged completely. She popped back up a second later - hair drenched and hanging over her forehead like willow tree branches.

"Hanji..." He started, stopping when she reached out and took his hand in hers. Levi waited to see what she would do next - mesmerised by the way the water dripped from her hair to the slope of her shoulder - trailing down her arm and into their entwined hands. 

"You've seen it before," She began in a timid voice that was nothing like the strong woman he knew. What he didn't understand was why. 

"I know." He replied simply. His voice vibrated through his chest, up her arm and into her shoulders - which tensed immediately upon his words. 

"When did you-"

"My memories came back a while ago with a dream." He lifted their hands and guided her fingers towards the back of his head. Past the undercut, he could feel as her fingers gently traced the scar there. While she was distracted with petting him, he reached out and brushed her hair back into order. Revealing her face. 

It was like watching grey clouds move away from where they were obscuring the moon and stars. 

"I don't understand why you cover it up." Levi grumbled and trailed his thumb over the scar stretching from her brow down across her eyelid, which was stitched shut permanently. The scar itself reminded him of the pale white lightning that struck alongside other flashy shows of transformation Yeager pulled. 

Levi, absorbed with looking at her eyes, flinched when he felt another hand cupping the back of his head. His shoulders tensed briefly before relaxing. 

"Sometimes covering up leaves more for a potent imagination." Hanji winked and leaned in close. "Then again, I wouldn't mind seeing you walk around following the Titans' example." She whispered directly in his ear.

Levi shivered when he felt her lick his earlobe. Damn this woman. He was trying to get clean! Not... uuugh. All his focus left the room when her hand dipped below waist line. Fuck. No. No. He didn't draw this deliciously warm water only to make it dirty with -

"Come... ON Levi, why did you have to do that?!"

"Because you're getting a proper bath, whether you consent or not." Levi demanded with absolute authority as he dropped his knees back below water from where he had lifted them against his chest. "Now turn around."

"Oh Levi," She drawled seductively and did as he told, "did my eye do it for you?" 

He sighed as he put his shampoo covered hands to work washing her crow's nest. "I thought you were as pooped out as I am."

"Oh, of course, my darling - how else are you supposed to get it in there without a mess."

Levi felt himself blush. Which was not somehing he would ever admit having happened. "Your body has bad timing, Shitty glasses." 

He dipped her head back and rinsed. 

"Romantic setting, romantic candle light conversation earlier followed by sexy bathtub grooming time. My body is not to blame. You are just bad at reading a situation." Hanji sat up and faced him with a sly smile. 

Levi deadpanned and shot back: "I thought we established earlier that I can't read."

He turned around and Hanji started washing his back. Scrubbing in soothing circles. "Oh now don't give me that. A Captain of the Scouts not knowing how to read a situation? I find that harder to believe than -"

"A horse with a horn?"

"Oh no, no. Those are real."

"Tch, and how would you know?" Levi shivered again when he felt her slide up against his back and whisper into his ear:

"Because there's a beautiful stallion right in front of me with a horn that's... hard... to deny exists."

For fucks sake. 

"Hanji, maybe when we're done getting clean and my leg isn't being an old raggedy hag, we can go on an adventure to find the horse." 

She slid back and scrubbed the rest of his back. Levi could hear the smirk in her voice as she replied: "With all this New World excitement, I'm sure we'll discover it sooner than you think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End exams are coming up. I have 0 access to the internet 96% of the time. Conclusion: next to no updates. See you all in a month or two. Enjoy what I could do in the meantime.


	10. Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji has to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia does magic for creativity. So does internet access.

Levi woke up to a cold bed. He sat up so fast the room spun even as he jumped out of the sheets and rushed to the door. As he was reaching for the handle, he froze and glanced back. The ruffled covers made goosebumps pop onto his arm. There wasn't a way in Hell he could leave his room this disordered. What if someone walked in? The first thing they'll think about would be: 'He's distracted, now's the perfect time to catch him off guard and take him out.'

In quick, short strides he hurried back and with crisp efficiency snapped the sheets into shape. He tucked the fitted sheet beneath the mattress. Made sure there were no wrinkles or lines. Levi lifted the pillows, fluffed them, and placed them against the headboard - open end facing the outside of the bed. After assuring the duvet was aligned perfectly and that each side had an equal amount of overhang he allowed himself to step back. He scrutinized his work with narrowed eyes. Hanji would say he was being neurotic. He knew he was simply assuring his efforts would give the right message: 'I am just as well put together as my work.'

With a satisfied lift of his chin, he turned on the ball of his foot and strode with renewed purpose to the door. His second reach for the handle made him huff with frustration and hurry to his dresser. He can't go walking around the compound in his nightwear.

A short hour later he stepped out of his room. Impeccably dressed and pressed.

He hobbled his way to Hanji's office. In any other circumstance he would be ashamed - internally - about his lack of manners when he barged into the room without knocking. "Is it impossible for you to get a healthy six hours of sleep?" He demanded and struck a direct line to where Hanji was fussing with field journals and a leather satchel. Her radiant hair stood in frazzles where she haphazardly tied it into her ponytail and forced her eye patch and goggles into place.

"I used to ask you the same question, back when I was the one to sleep for more than half our decided 'healthy amount', and good morning to you too."

Levi huffed and crossed his arms. Why did she always have to have a comeback to everything he had to say? It annoyed him. Almost to the same extent of her not bathing.

"Are you in a hurry to catalog the exotic fragrance of a titan's fart today? Or is there something else on the wind?" Levi stepped up to her desk and leaned against it. Which was in itself a risk, seeing as he could knock towers of paper to the floor if he sneezed the wrong way. He deemed the risk necessary if the reward meant taking pressure off his leg. It was throbbing again, but much less than a few nights ago. It was at least a comfort to know that the goop Hanji forced him to rub onto the wound was healing the injury.

"There's an emergency. Marlains were spotted heading this way with a battalion."

"Two hundred soldiers aren't that many. Armin could wipe his ass with half and Eren can use the others to clean his teeth."

"You're thinking in accordance to our numbers. For them, a battalion is about three thousand soldiers."

"Well shit."

"Yeah, they outnumber us 21 to 1. Even with our shifters, we can't risk throwing them into the fray. They still want the coordinates from Eren. And by my calculations there are still four other shifters out there. We're going in blind and outnumbered." Levi looked at Hanji scrambling around throwing all kinds of maps and instruments into her bag. He took a moment to compose himself and lower his heartbeat. How did this happen? How did 3000 soldiers reach their shores and they're only just now hearing about it?

Levi thought about how he would have moved his men around in the underground - about how he needed to get them where they should be without letting the patrols in on what's going on. "We have traitors in our ranks." He spat out and clenched his hands into fists.

"Already on it." Hanji commented offhandedly and swung the strap over her shoulder. Without much further ado, she made her way from the room. Levi's eyes widened as he watched her back. He scrambled to follow.

"How are you handling it?" He clenched his jaw in frustration as he struggled to keep pace with her long stride.

"We already apprehended the scouts sent on lookout. They're being interrogated as we speak." Levi lifted an impressed eyebrow - his eyes darting to the line of her jaw (clenched with anger... no, stress). Nevertheless, he can't help but thinking that the lookouts aren't the only ones out there that have ulterior motives.

"If they were bribed, they won't have relevant insider information. We need to root out a Marlian and put **their** skin to the blade."

The stairs were a nuisance for his leg and he lagged behind as Hanji took them two at a time. Levi swore under his breath and doubled his efforts to keep up. By the time he made it to her he was sweating. Hanji had her nose in a journal and a pencil furiously scribbling across the palimpsest paper. 

"We're leaving right now? I'll send Yeager to get my gear." For the first time since he started speaking to her, Hanji stopped dead. She looked up from her book with her mouth opened in an 'o' and her eyes as wide as saucers. Despite the state of her face, there was a from between her brows. It made for a jarring sight. 

"Levi-" She started and snapped her journal shut, pencil still lodged between the vellum. 

He looked into her auburn eyes with a small frown of his own. Why the fuck did she say his name like she was just stabbed in the liver?

Yeager chose that moment to scramble from the stables with Hanji's horse. It was a beautiful brown mare - coat brushed to gleam in the sun. Right now the grey morning air was keeping away that bit of joy, but as soon as they started riding and the sun gained momentum, he would have the privilege of seeing Hanji steering. Eren looked startled to see him next to Hanji. The idiot snapped into a sloppy salute, still holding the reins. "Captain Levi, sir!"

Levi stepped forward and ripped the polished leather from his hands.

"Make yourself useful and go get my gear." Levi commanded and turned to walk the horse to Hanji. She had a weird look on her face. 

"Uuh." He heard Eren mumble dumbly and spun around quickly. 

"We don't have time to watch you try and catch insects with your mouth, Yeager. I gave you an order." Levi felt his patience run thin. He was startled when Eren's eyes darted nervously from his gaze over to where Hanji was standing. He was even more startled when he felt her put a disarming hand on his tensed shoulder.

"Thank you for preparing my horse, Eren." 

At least the brat understood a dismissal when he heard one. Eren gave another tense salute then scrambled away. Now Levi was irritated and confused. Why did Hanji undermine his authority by dismissing Yeager before he did as ordered and brought his stuff? He turned on Hanji and tightened his grip on her mount's reins. "What was that all about?" He gritted. Levi had to admit he had impeccable restraint when it came to her. If it were anybody else treating him any less than his authority demanded, he would have sliced their throat.

"Levi, you're not coming along on this mission."

Levi was less startled by her forwardness than by her words. He blinked - hand loosening its vice grip. "What?" He whispered - astounded. How can she make this decision at such a critical time? He was humanity's strongest soldier. 

"Your leg still isn't-"

"My leg is fine!" He snapped and stepped into her bubble. Levi knew this poor excuse of an intimidation tactic won't work on her. Not with their dynamic. That didn't stop him from following through with the involuntary action. Old habits...

"You could barely keep up with me when we walked down here, not to mention you can't keep weight on your leg for an extended amount of time. I'm not keeping you out of this battle out of spite, darling."

He saw he eyes soften and felt her hand touching the back of his - the one holding her horse in place. "I'm doing it to keep you safe."

Levi let go of the reins and took an insulted step back. He couldn't help but feel a jab to his pride. She wasn't supposed to be the protector in this relationship, but because of his damn fucking useless shitty mother-goddamned bloody whore leg, he was reduced to a stay at home husband. Husband... house bound. He clenched his jaw and nodded - looked sideways, facing the window on the third story. His room. His tomb.

Fuck.

His throat felt tight. Like someone bound a belt around his neck and pulled and pulled and... nothing. Suddenly there was nothing. Levi swallowed and looked back at Hanji. She was staring at him with a frown. 

"Be safe." He whispered. Turned around. Walked back inside.


	11. More than

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deterioration isn't caused by one single thing. 
> 
> The past. The present. The future. 
> 
> They all have an influence on how a person reacts to stress. 
> 
> Levi doesn't even realise he's been deteriorating.

Levi bounced his right foot. His leg was crossed over his left knee. The wood thumped everytime he twitched his finger rhytmically off the table. His tea was long cold. His food already generously given to... what was the urchin's name again? Sasha. Whatever.

He leaned against his hand, elbow resting on the table, and stared at the wall. Staring at the shadows was better than looking at Yeager. The brat stubornly sat opposite him, head in a book.

From the looks of the cover it was one of Doctor Grisha's secret journals. Dusty thing. Full of scribbles and... photographs? Yes. Drawings, too, of all sorts of stuff he could never even dream of.

"Go warm my tea." Levi demanded, lethargically, still staring at the flickering shadows.

Yeager looked up sharply and glared. "Just so you can let it cool down again?" Despite the daring sass, the brat stood and took his cup. Marching all the way to the kitchen. His departure stirred the air and made the candles duck and dive. The shadows danced.

Levi watched the darkness morph with disinterested eyes. He didn't even bother moving an inch. What's the point? Not much time passed before Yeager put a steaming cup next to his resting arm. Levi didn't look up.

He heard stool feet scrape against stones, the cracking of backbones and a page being flipped.

* * *

"Your cleaning is terrible. Do it again." Levi pulled his bandanna back around his mouth and left the bathroom Yeager was **supposed **to have cleaned. It looked like a herd of cattle stormed through there. 

"Sir, respectfully, if we scrub the floor any more the tiles would start peeling off." 

Levi turned around and lowered his bandanna again. "You're the sharp one, Arlert, so I don't have to dumb this down for you to understand: if the latrines aren't up to standard by the time I'm done with my duties, both of you are wiping the filth from the castle walls."

He turned and left, heard the wet slap of Yeager's rag hitting the bucket and a growl. Levi grabbed his broom and went to the empty barracks. Dust must have gathered in the past week since everyone left. 

* * *

"You missed a spot." Levi threw over his shoulder. His attention was entirely fixed on brushing his stallion's coat. He was sitting on a low stool outside the stables. Today was too bright. The sun was annoying, but who was he to keep his horse holed up for weeks?

Behind him, an earpiercing scream filled the corners of the castle. The ground rumbled as Yeager stomped his foot. 

"If you cleaned more than breathing your titan mucus, you would have been off hours ago."

The brown water from Yeager's bucket was delicately dumped all over his head. His stallion, spooked, kicked his hind legs - and hit the stool out right from under Levi. 

Above him, Yeager unpinched his thumb and forefinger. The upturned bucket tumbled and fell right over his eyes. Levi sat in the darkness; felt the heat from the sun on his arms, the stickiness of his wet shirt clinging to his back, and the vibration of Yeager's retreating titan through his ass in the dirt.

* * *

Levi looked at the glass filled with alcohol. The amber liquid reminded him of Hanji's hair. The glass sat untouched on his desk, next to the full decanter. He knew it was a bad idea to pour it. Even as he was tipping the liquid into his glass he knew it would go to waste. 

But he couldn't help it. He wanted to remember what her hair looked like. Levi reached over and took the glass. Standing, he walked over to his bedroom window, opened the glass and felt to cool night air rustle his curtains. He held his glass out the window and tipped the alcohol over. 

Levi watched with meloncholy eyes as the thick liquid drained and vanished into the night. 

Alcohol never did anything for him anyway.

* * *

The castle didn't have a speck of dust, so Levi saddled up and rode off without even letting the skeleton crew know.

Where he was going he didn't want anyone to follow. He rode through three horizons before reaching his destination. By the time Levi pulled up to the tree next to the crack in the field, the sun was setting. 

The entire area was lit in amber light. Shadows stretched fingers down into the crystaline caverns from where Rod Reiss carved the earth. Birds were going at it in the trees - with their disgustingly happy chirping. Flowers were popping up everywhere, unconcerned about getting trampled for growing where they weren't supposed to. 

Levi got off the saddle, removed the bridle from his horse, and let the stallion roam. He took a deep breath; wiped his clammy hands on the sides of his tighs. He looked up into the trees, where darkness was just starting to take hold of the bottom of the leaves. 

Beams of light spilled through the canopy and draped themselves down the tree trunks like laundry laid over a chair. And at the foot of a tree, at the edge of the forrest, was a single grave. 

Unmarked. Except for flowers growing from the hill of ground. 

Levi kneeled before it, hands on his knees. 

"Hey, Kenny." He swallowed and looked up into the tree. His entire neck columb was exposed from looking up like this. Blinking rappidly kept the tears at bay. Fucking weak. 

Levi took another deep breath and looked back down. "I didn't come here for a friendly visit. You probably know that already. It's not like I've ever come to you just to chat." He scoffed and clenched his hands. 

Looking down at the ground, he found his eyes attatched to the delicate purple, yellow and pink flowers, swaying in the occasional brush of wind. 

The shadows were slowly swallowing up the soft light on the bark. 

"I want to know. Why did you give me the case? Was it to torture me? You couldn't have known I was supposed to choose between Erwin and Armin. But. You knew giving me the case was giving me responsibility."

Levi unclenched his fists, dug is nails into his thighs. Squeezed his eyes shut. Frowned. Blew breath out through his nose. Swallowed air through his tightening throat.

"Was that how you felt, when you found me? Having responsibility thrust upon you without asking for it?"

He opened his eyes and stared at the grave. It was half covered in light, half in shaddow. 

"Is that why you... did you... you fucked me up, Kenny. You raised me - but you left me down there. While you went up. You left me there, between the prostitutes, the murderers - alcoholics... between... And then you came back. Gave me needles. And told me to make a choice."

Levi stood up, glared at the grave, took two steps back. "You told me we were family with your dying breath, and took that away from me before I could even know what I could have had! You always showed up, gave me something, and took it away seconds later! Everytime I think things will go right, the opposite happens."

He paced back and forth. Breath coming in faster and faster. "I killed Erwin, Kenny! I killed him because I thought I was making the right choice! I'm used to killing people, but that's when it's either them or me! Now I don't know what to do anymore.

"I can't fight, I can barely keep my soldiers in line. I'm useless to Hanji. I can't even go back to being a criminal. We're at war and I'm stuck cleaning toilets and floors. How the fuck am I supposed to keep it together when I have no purpose?!"

Levi grabbed his hair and turned his back on the grave.

"I... I killed Erwin. And now Hanji is the commander. It's because of me that she's out there, putting her life on the line. It's because of me that I can't be by her side. It's... all my fault. And I don't know how to handle it anymore."

His shoulders sagged and all the fire left his body. Both hands dropped to his sides. The last vestiges of light was being drawn in by the giant gash in the heart of the valley.

Levi stared with darkened eyes at the crystaline caverns. "I don't know anymore." He whispered.

With practiced poise, Levi whistled, and heard his stallion galloping closer. While he waited he summoned the strength to glance at the silent grave over his shoulder.

"Well I'm done. I'm done, Kenny. You wanted me to make a choice. Well I have. Your sister would be proud that I'm following in her footsteps."

When his stallion arrived, he hoisted himself on, put the bridle back in place, and spurred his way back to the castle under the cover of darkness.


	12. Morpheus Has Spoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Levi, boii, what is you doing?

Levi took another deep breath. He loved the smell of rain on soil. Somehow he got attached to the smell between seeing rain for the first time, and eloping with Hanji everytime the first summer rains breathed crisp life back between brick cottages.

As he blew out his breath, he pressed himself against the wall. On the other side, a faceless nurse came and shut the window . The wind was picking up speed and somewhere in the clouds thunder rumbled like a cornered dog.

Levi scanned his surroundings. His 3DMG kept him hooked 2 storeys above ground. Below him, rookies were running around unhooking lamps from posts and shutting the doors. 

The fresh out of training-brats, and a select few seasoned soldiers were left to hold the base. Whether they fucking asked to stay or not. Levi clenched his teeth. The trees bent sideways as another wave of wind carried the scent of rain. 

His hair blew all over the place, but his gear's hooks kept him from flying off the wall. Down below one cadet yelled at another, his voice carried away with the wind. Lightning dawdling in the clouds lit up the ground momentarilly. 

Above him, Levi heard the nurses scurry about. The lantern that lit the windowpane above his head, was snuffed. 

In that moment, the entire world became utterly still. Not a leave rustled, not a single boot scraped against the gravel, the wind settled. 

Levi heard only his breath; slicing around hollowly in his head as he listened...

Then the infirmary doors shut with a bang and the whole world popped back into focus. The dark clouds rolled, light flashed. Levi knew what would follow. He hoisted himself up, lifted his elbow -

Lightning cracked-

Levi brought his elbow down on the window-

Rain rushed down-

Glass exploded onto the floor-

A low drone of thunder-

Levi climbed through the window, his feet pointed to soften his steps. There was no patient in sight. Perfect.

He found the medical cabinet without a hassle. Levi took only what he needed. Walked away. Turned back around. Took some more - so he didn't have to do all this work again.

Rain was blown in through the broken window. The floor entirely wet. 

When asked about it the next morning, the first answer would be the storm broke it.

No other windows went through the same treatment. 

Nobody did a deeper inverstigation. There were bigger things to worry about than a single window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to be longer... but I have zero idea what to write. I'll figure it out.


	13. Quand vais-tu reviens?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is Hanji doing?

There was dirt everywhere. Hanji slumped forward on the horse and scratched her ass. It still itched. Day old blood flaked under her nails. She thinks there might be some blood in her hair as well.

The horse walked slowly.

Poor thing was exhausted. Hanji didn't know where her own horse was - probaby blown to pieces by the bombs. She had found this horse tied to the branch of a tree. The soldier who tied the mare down was curled on the ground around a stomach wound. He had bled out. In Hanji's estimation he had died 2 days prior. If she hadn't shown up the horse would have died of thirst.

As it were, she had a mission. To deliver her cargo to the rendezvous point.

There was a satchel strapped to her torso. The bag was at her chest where she could keep a close eye on it. Inside, was what she risked her life and her platoon to get.

They crest a small hill, the grass here reduced to mud from all the trampling of feet. In the dip of the valley, there was a cluster of trees and a sorry stream. Hanji sagged with relief. Finally.

It wasn't long before they got there. Hanji climbed off and led the horse to the water. The dear thing dived for it and didn't lift her head for a very long time. Hanji was tempted to jump in the stream and start scrubbing the blood away, but she didn't want to risk putting the satchel down.

Instead, she dragged her reluctant feet and started scanning the bushes. There was no one around. Not a sound to be heard. No birds. Insects. Nothing. Hanji walked to check the other side of the tree. Beneath her feet, she heard a creak and felt her leg sink down. Found it. 

Hanji scrambled onto her knees and started shoving leaves, grass, twigs - undergrowth - away, and revealed the door there. The handle was rusted. Better rusted than shiny. Less of a chance for the sun to glint off the metal and give away the bunker's position.

Looking around her, she made sure there was no one around. There was only the horse digging at muddy ground with a hoof. Once she was sure she was in the clear, she pulled open the door. The light through the grey clouds lit up a rusted ladder.

Hanji felt the pressure of the satchel as she maneuvered herself through the opening. She latched onto the rungs and carefully steppedlower and lower. Above her the door swung shut. Darkness enveloped her, but she kept stepping down until she felt the ground beneath her boots. When Hanji turned she found herself lit by lanterns.

She followed a short passage where it opened up into an underground bunker.

In front of her, her soldiers were hurrying about. Some were fixing helmets or repurposing looted weapons. In the corner someone was busy disasembling a weapon - a marlian gun it seems - and making a diagram of it.

When she stepped closer, all chatter seemed to come to a stop. Hanji didn't much like the attention. But she couldn't blame them. Her loyal soldiers hadn't seen her in two weeks. They probably assumed she was dead. How had they continued without her even here? A question for another day, Hanji concluded - because people were swarming her.

The cellebrations were short lived. Hanji stepped through all the people patting her on the back and ruffling her caked hair. She had business to get down to.

She made her way down a corridor to the left, properly lit by lanters hanging from nails hammered into the walls. It led to the improvised war room. There were already people there, but they became quiet when she stepped in.

"It took us a while, but we found it." She began, and glanced over the faces of the squad leaders.

Hanji layed the satchel on the table. She was pleased to see Mikasa on the far side to her right. Alive and well. It was good to know at least she was okay. They've been through so much together.

Hanji opened the contents, and spoke with pure satisfaction:

"Their battle maneuvers, locations of all their camps and troop positions. If we use guerilla warfare, we can beat them within a week."

"We have some looted bombs we can use to blow up their cargo." One mad to her left said.

Hanji saw Mikasa shake her head. "We should save the bombs. We can rather set fire to their supplies. Starve them out."

The man slapped his hand down on the table. "That will take too long! If we use the bombs we can take out their weapons and transport."

"They'll just bring in more on their ships." Mikasa argued back.

Hanji became silent, and tuned them out as she formulated a plan. The Marlians weren't the ones trapped up against 50 meter high walls. They had to end this soon. Get reinforcements. Make the bunker bigger, like Levi suggested...

"Our people are starving! We need a quick in and out so we can retreat and reformulate."

"If we blow up all their supplies, we won't be able to use their weapons against them. If you haven't heard yet, that's the strategy of the day."

"No. We already have some of their weapons, we can build our own-"

"With what resources-"

"-we have Titans, we don't need their-"

Hanji interupted the dispute that now involved everyone in the room except her. "We need to drive them from our shores. Take their ships for our own. Then take the war to them."

Everyone became quiet. It was Mikasa who broke the silence.

"We have all the info we need to take them down quickly. But we don't have the manpower. We're stretched thin."

Hanji scratched her ass again. She really needed a bath. She remembered how Levi scrubbed her back, dragged his fingers through her hair. She would kill to have that now.

Levi.

"We have all the manpower we need. Levi's been with the rookies and our two shifters the past month. He whipped them into fighting shape, I'm sure. Get me a runner - we'll let them know we're coming back in a week."

"We can't leave the frontline unmanned!" One of the squad leaders said, undignified.

"We won't." Hanji replied simply.

"Then you're abandoning us?"

"We're taking the wounded back amd a couple of soldiers for protection. That should lighten ration consumption. We'll be back with reinforcements and fresh supplies."

"After we bomb the Marlians to hell?" The squad leader asked. Hanji saw Mikasa's jaw tighten. 

"By any means nessecary." Hanji gave a neutral answer. The squad leaders themselves will have to decide how they take out the enemy. She can't micro manage everybody. 

"Mikasa, you decide which squads attack where. I have to finish some things." One of those being a bath, Hanji added mentally. At least now she knew why Levi hated being filthy. It was **uncomfortable**.

"We're still running low on food." Mikasa told her in her stone calm voice. 

Hanji gulped. Thought about the mare outside looking for grass to eat. The one that saved her life. If not for that horse she would never have escaped. 

The mare was standing out there. In the open. If the Marlians saw it...

Hanji steeled herself for what she had to do.

"I'll get you something to eat. You just start formulating a battle plan."

For the greater good.

* * *

Later, much later, Hanji finished her letter to Levi, by candle light. She hadn't even cleaned yet, she wanted to do this as soon as possible. They might see each other next week if her strategy works. A week. 

Hanji felt so excited to see her little grump again. She hoped he was feeling better and that his leg healed properly. That way he could stop being so sad. She didn't like it when her dear cutie was so upset.

But next week. Next week she'll see him again.

Hanji finished the letter then added it to the mail bag, where the runner will take it - as ordered - back to base.

Hopefully she'll live to see Levi again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this story is gonna focus more on the war... or Levi's internal struggles. Perhaps both, seeing as they both augment eacother in the light of internal vs external fights. 
> 
> Hmmm.
> 
> Let me know what you think.


	14. Sambar's Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Levi,  
If you're reading this, that means someone else is reading it for you. In which case it must be Armin. So. Dear Armin, tell Levi to get the troops ready. War is on our heels and we need reïnforcements and supplies. It is crucial you start as early as possible so the new recruits are prepped for the struggles to come. 
> 
> From  
Commander Hanji

The images of death came back gently. The slope of Petra's neck as she arched against a tree - blood tapping down her skin - just like an upended wine vat. The mess of splattered human gore in the forest. Now all washed away by the lightning showers.

The images of bombs dropping around him, came next. He saw them ripping ground from the earth in clots, like pulling pot potatoes from their bed. He heard their flying contraptions clutter by in the clouds and doubling back. Saw houses ripped from their foundations - rooves folding down and trapping people. Crushing them. Death.

Levi's eyes opened. He was breathing slowly. His stomach muscles worked to pull him upright. His room was filled with grey light, filtered through the water droplets patterned against his window. Levi blinked lethargically and listened to the rain tapping against the castle.

In his comfort he hunched forward. The interval between blinking close and open became slower. Until he was sitting up, leaning forward, with his eyes closed, and breathing steadily. His heart was beating, but it felt like he could hardly feel it in his chest. Like his body was floating on a lake in the middle of a forest.

A deep forest, lush with green - roots swolen with water, fruit plump and ripe, flowers exploding with colour and fragrance - and absolutely filled with life. The canopy aflight with birds, singing, preening, caring for their families. In a word: peaceful. 

Levi blinked his eyes open. They felt puffy from his long sleep. The clouds outside grumbled. Levi looked at the window and saw how the wind's direction changed - water droplets being pushed sideways. He blinked again.

He stared for a while.

He wasn't exactly sure when he became aware of the knocking. Levi startled and swung his feet off the bed and walked to the door. It was a wobbly voyage. 

"Yeah?" He slurred and opened the door, leaning against the frame. Yeager was on the other side. When the brat didn't talk and kept staring at him with a frown, Levi started getting annoyed. "What do you want, Yeager?" He promted again.

Levi saw the brat visibly pull himself together and straighten up.

"You're the commanding officer here, so this has to come to you." He held out a letter for him to take. 

Levi stared at the envelope. What the hell was he supposed to do with it? He gripped the letter daintly between his thumb and forefinger - as if simply touching it was an offence. "Thanks." He deadpanned and looked up from the letter at the brat's face. 

"Sir," Eren began. Levi's eyes were drawn to the movement of the brat's fidgeting hands. Oh no. The idiot was nervous. What was he planning on saying? A love confession? Levi thought back to all the times Yeager threw him weird looks over the past month. For the love of Maria. 

"Just spit it out!" He barked. Levi regretted shouting immediately. Bright lights danced across his vision and his ears chimed. He stood perfectly still until the lightheadedness faded. He blinked and looked Yeager in the eye. Did the brat notice?

"I... I was just wondering if you were - uh - growing a - beard?" Yeager's eyes flitted sideways, down -up - anywhere to avoid his supperior's gaze. 

Well. 

Levi didn't expect that. A beard? Why the hell-

He reached up and touched his chin, his cheeks. They weren't course with stubble. There was actual hair there. What the fuck?! Levi stepped back into his room and slammed the door in Yeager's face. 

Levi stormed over to his pillow and reached for the knife beneath it. When his fingers didn't touch steel, his heart skipped a beat. Why wasn't it there? He ripped the pillow from the bed and threw it to the floor. There was only sheet.

He threw the duvet off. Still, there was nothing. Levi cussed under his breath and marched over to his dresser. He pulled open the drawers and threw their contents onto the floor. Underwear, shirts, pants, socks, cravats, lotion, blindfolds - a stick. Levi paused. What the fuck was a stick doing in his bottom drawer? 

Did Hanji put it there? 

And then it hit Levi like a titan slap to the face. His travel bag! He had packed it in hopes of joining her later on. Only for the bag to end up tucked under his bed. 

Carefully stepping over the mountain of mess, Levi bent down and got his leather bag. He had made it himself. Shot the Sambar right between the eyes. Skinned it. Cured the meat. Treated the leather. Cut it, weaved it, sewed it, punched holes in it and put the metal buckle in place. Waxed the leather, polished it, made sure it would never crack. It took about a year and a half for the leather to stop stinking like rotting shit. 

It was worth it. 

He made it for Hanji, but couldn't give it to her. It was easy to be distracted when in the middle of a war. 

He opened the bag and rifled through it. His knife was tuckes away at the bottom. 

Levi flipped open the gleaming steel and gleaned at his reflection. His eyes went wide. Yeager didn't lie. He had a half-fledged beard of dark black - scruffy and unkempt. 

In all honesty he looked like a drunkkard who slept in a ditch out back of a pub. Levi snapped his knife shut and pocketed it.

He quickly picked up his clothes and stuffed them back into the drawers. Levi threw his pillow and duvet on his bed and went to the door. He was hungry.

The door closed behind him as he made his way to the mess hall - letter forgotten beneath his desk where it fell during his stuphor. 

* * *

On his way back to his room, Levi struggled against roundhouse kicking every person he walked by. They kept craning their necks, and widening their eyes when they saw him. And it was annoying. Why couldn't they just keep their shitty eyes to themselves?

Even while he was in the mess, minding his own business with a cup of tea, the recruits kept glancing at him. It took Yeager to get them to stop staring by telling them to go train. 

Maybe running laps in the rain will clean their stupid little shitty heads of their filthy fucking thoughts. Perverts. Looking at him like that. Disgusting. 

So what if he forgot to wear a shirt. It was warm. Can't a man walk around half naked without being harrased for it? Sheesh. Or maybe they kept staring at his pajama pants? No, that couldn't be it. They weren't different from the other recruits' clothes. 

Levi was brought back to reality by Armin. The Arlert kid was standing right in front of him two steps up on the stairs. 

"Sir." He began.

Something was wrong. His voice was too sure, steady - and the kid's stance also screamed: 'confrontation-time!' Levi didn't have the patience for this. 

When he stepped to the right to bybass the blond, Arlert went to intercept. Levi stepped to the left. Arlert blocked him again. So this is how the coconut was going to play it, is it?

"We need to talk."

Levi ignored him and pushed the kid to the side. Arlert slipped on the stairs, and toppled one step down before regaining his balance. Levi continued up. Unfortunately the coconut rolled after him - making a racket as they went.

"I don't know who you're trying to fool, but I can see you're a mess. If this is about Commander Hanji leaving while you had to stay behind and recover, then you need to get over yourself!" 

Even though he tried to block out the blond's voice, the words just kept coming. A headache started to form between his eyes. It wasn't amusing when Levi thought about the Sambar. How it looked up from eating. Stared right at him and froze. Fight or flight is a fucking farce. 

The more steps they took, the louder and more desperate Arlert's voice became. Levi felt like a trapped animal. He couldn't leave the castle because of the storm. He couldn't go with Hanji. He couldn't save Erwin. He was still that little boy with his knees drawn against his emaciated chest. Waiting in the same room as his mother's corpse, for the day that he too will die.

"You can't keep going on like this! Hanji would be ashamed if she could see you now."

And like all trapped animals, he snapped. Levi grabbed Arlert by his collar and **pushed**. 


	15. Alice's Visitor

Levi heard Armin's head collide with the wall and him gasping in pain. He tightened his grip around the coconut's collar and leaned in closer. He clenched his jaw and glared with ice cold eyes into Arlert's terrified gaze. 

"I don't give a flying shit. About what you have to say." Levi spoke evenly, but each word was charged with underlying strength. If the coconut thought for a second that he stood a chance against Levi, he was fucking wrong.

Arlert's eyes hardened; he saw it in the way the skin tightened around the edges. This boy was itching for a beating. 

"It doesn't matter what I have to say. You won't listen anyway, because that's what you do. You give the orders and others must obey." Arlert leaned forward, lips pulling over his teeth as he venomously spoke - not raising his voice either:

"You're a controll freak."

Levi's arms corded with muscle as he lifted the boy off his feet. He dragged him away from the wall and slammed him into the stairway railing. Hard. Arlert's breath wheezed out from the sudden impact.

"You don't know **anything** about me." Levi pulled Arlert back and drove him into the metal again. The boy bent backwards, feet scrambling to stay rooted.

Levi almost recoiled when Arlert gave a sudden laugh. It was so fucking sarcastic that it made Levi want to let go of the coconut's collar and just let him fall.

Armin looked him straight in the eye, smile still on his face. His eyes weren't smiling as he said: "You don't even know yourself."

The knife from his pocket flashed as he pulled it out quicker than the eye could follow and pushed it against the soft part of Arlert's neck. 

They both breathed heavily. Silence stretching between them. Levi's chest heaved with the effort of keeping Armin suspended. 

His voice was a strained whisper. "I don't give a fuck if you're a shifter; I'll slit your throat and watch the life **drain **out of your eyes as you struggle to breathe through your own blood." Levi knew his eyes must be unhinged based on the way Armin paled. He even felt the kid swallow through the movement of his blade. 

Success.

Levi added slight pressure, just enough to make the skin split, to finalise his point - and pulled back. His blade flashed again as it was folded and pocketed. He didn't look back as he continued to his room. 

* * *

This can't be happening. Levi panicked as he stared at the empty glass phial. How did he run out of his supply so soon? He dragged a hand through his beard and felt sweat break out on his forehead. How long can he go without any morphine while the infirmary restocks? 

His leg bounced up and down involuntarily as he thought. He could go out and pick the flowers himself. No. He doesn't know what they look like. Hanji explained something briefly, but he was pretty sure he blocked her out while she rambled. Damnit! 

Levi wanted to hit himself for his own carelessness. He should have paid more attention. Then again, it wasn't really a priority at the time. Why hadn't he paid more attention?

Maybe he could snatch some of the flowers the harvesters brought? But what will he do with them? He doesn't exactly know how to refine it into what he needs. Fucking shit river.

There was only one other option. Levi threw his pillow across the room and screamed. No way. Never. He was never going back there. He'll just have to figure out another way. 

* * *

Levi shook as cold sweat drenched the front of his shirt. He was curled around a pillow on his bed staring at the wall, wishing he had another phial. Another syringe. More. Anything to make this torture go away. Anything.

"Is this how you felt, Erwin?" He muttered to himself.

Another bead of sweat trailed down his forehead, through his eyebrow, and down into his beard. 

* * *

The staircase was dark and mouldy. Levi pulled his nonedescript hood lower over his head as he kept walking down and down and down and the steps never ended. The lower he went, the shittier the air smelled. A smell like upchucked booze invaded his nose, and Levi inexorably knew, he has reached his final step. 

His hands shook, so he put them into the pockets of the pants he bargained off a homeless man from the surface. After all, who whould expect Humanity's Strongest to be wearing threadbare clothes with unidentifiable stains all over? 

Levi scoffed and scanned the area. 

Who would have guessed he'd come back here after all these years?

* * *

A new gang took up residence in his old house. Levi knew from the looks of them that they weren't the "one for all" types, like his old crew used to be.

Two guys sat on the stairs with dazed looks and huge smiles. Like they weren't trapped in this shithole. They looked for all the world like they were blissed out in a world of their own. 

Perfect. 

So these filthy swine will have exactly what he needs.

The blazed out guys didn't even look up as he walked past and knocked on the door. Levi made sure that his knuckles met the cheap wood aggressively, so the thugs inside knew he wasn't a weakling maggot. 

The door opened to a man twice his size and bulging muscles. He had a scar running across his throat. Levi instantly recognised the handiwork of Slicer Swartz from the blackmarket gang across town. The raised pinkish skin also told him the mark was fresh.

"Get lost, kid, we have enough flowers in our gang already." 

Levi removed his hood and glared. The man's eyes went wide and he took a step back. Tch. Showing weakness already. Guy must be a pretty shit thug if he pisses himself at the sight of him, not to mention getting cut up like that. Why not have a little fun while out shopping?

"Did you just call me a flower?" 

The man reached behind him suddenly. Probably for a rusted pistol hidden in the hem of his pants. Tch. The idiot didn't even have a belt on. 

Before the guy could reach his weapon, Levi rushed forward and pulled the guy's pants down all the way to his ankles. Spluttering, the guy took a step back, expecting an attack, only to fumble over his own clothes and blunder to the floor. 

Levi watches the guy hit his head and imagined he was seeing stars. Smoothly, he stepped over the fallen dumbass and into the room. 

There was another guy against the back wall aiming a rifle at him. And this was their leader? Levi was... underwhelmed. The man was as skinny as a whip and had cheeks so shallow it made Levi stare at him with facination. How was he still alive? 

"You know a single shot rifle in a cramped space like this is a recipe for failure, right?" Levi drawled and walked to the table. There was a glass contraption on it - almost just like the ones in Hanji's lab. 

The boss's muzzle followed him, the rifle rattling as the man shook in fear. And they call themselves a gang. The only thing more pathetic than this would be the military police. 

Levi would normally wipe his fingers under the table to see how clean it was, but he really didn't want fungus on his fingers.

"You think you bein' all tough commin' in here, pantsing the bouncer-"

"The what?" Levi narrowed his eyes and rounded the table, side eyeing these little plastic bags piled in a metal box. What on earth was that?

"Stay where you be!" The boss lifted his gun higher and Levi stopped his prowl. So close to getting what he wants - only to end up shot... not exactly what he was looking for.

"I was expecting a warmer welcome." Levi waited for the stick figure to say something. He only heard the big guy behind him groan. Levi looked around, bored, and went on talking. 

"I'm here for morphine. And don't go telling me you ain't got any. Any dumbass can see you've been making trips to the black M."

Levi looked up from where he was eyeing the glass contraption and saw the boss's eye twitch. 

"I don't know who you think you are-" He began, finger tightening around the trigger. 

The little cretin was getting twitchy. Something the both of then had in common. Levi put both hands in his pockets and straightened. 

"I'm the one who is going to lift you out of the gutter if you do what I say." Levi pulled out a chair with his thumb and forefinger, with no plans to sit down. Disgusting. He touched it. The fact that his current pants didn't have any handkerchiefs unsettled him enough to make his leg twitch. 

Maria, he needed some painkillers.

"We ain't be havin' them weak girly drugs here, so get." The boss cocked his gun to the door briefly, then aimed back at him. 

"What's in the bags then?" Levi plucked one from the box and lifted it to eye level. It was brown looking, not exactly like dirt, though, so it had to be something else. 

He kept his head turned toward the bag as he shifted his eyes to the boss, waiting for an answer. 

It took a while, but the guy lowered his gun. Levi wonder if the weapon was put down because the guy's arms got tired. There wasn't a scratch of muscle or fat on him. Maria. He remembered looking like that. 

"You lookin' for morphine, well that there be its big sister. Whoo whee, is she goin' a' love ya." The man's eyes became sinister. 

"Is that so." Levi muttered and looked at the bag again. Something stronger than morphine? Is that even possible? Well, if it was, count him in. His doses lately weren't the same as they used to be. 

"If ya' pay the price, that there sissy gonna make ya' feel like un' hero again."

Levi hopped the bag in his hand; curled his fingers around it. "And this is going to make the shivers go away?" He asked with a frown. The boss smiled, replied:

"It be the best damn fix in paradis."


	16. The Return Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Picks up Pokéball; shouts* : EREN, I CHOOSE YOU!!
> 
> _____________ _________
> 
> Eren was tired of this shit. He kept wishing for the day Hanji would return to fix whatever the hell Levi has become.

Eren stood outside in the courtyard, eyes fixed in the distance. It was so early that the purples in the clouds were just turning to a mellow orange. He didn't know when word would come of what's happening out there and the silence was making him nervous. Not to mention his sleeplessness - he just had to get out of the castle. 

He pulled the handkerchief away from his nose when he felt it was safe to do so. Luckily the blood already dried. He sighed and looked at the material in his hand. It was soaked through. 

Casually, he bundled it up and stuffed it in his pocket. There was no helping it. His nosebleeds were so frequent these days that it would be a miracle if he didn't soak one through. 

Eren lifted lifless eyes back to the horison. Unbidden, he wondered how Mikasa was doing. Was she even still alive? The memory of Faye being torn apart by dogs rushed through his mind. Eren stared at nothing, eyes going glassy. 

Marlians wouldn't allow even a child to go unpunished. 

"When will the nightmare end?" He mumbled, hands shaking at his sides. Eren sniffed. His nose was all stuffed and uncomfortable. With a monumental effort, he pulled himself from his wanderings. 

His shoulders sagged like an unliftable weight was placed on them. Eren, reluctantly, pulled his shoulders up, turned from his view, and headed for the baracks. 

If Levi wasn't going to train the newbies - then he had to take up the responsibility. War doesn't go away if you sleep through your days.

The barrack's doors opened softly, and Eren was relieved that the soldiers were at least already dressed and just lounging about. When he stepped in they all jumped up and stood at attention. 

"Sir!" They all echoed, hands curled over their hearts.

Eren took a breath an muttered slowly. "Today we'll be doing manoeuvre drills and fitness training." He blinked and looked at the faces of the younger troops. There was a disgruntled twitch of the lip here and there, but mostly they obeyed. 

"Go and get breakfast, then meet me at the field by 7." He turned and walked out. He followed the stone path through the grounds, walked beneath the trees and arrived at the entrance to the mess hall. Instead of going through the large double doors, he walked along the wall and turned a corner into a small alley. 

Eren wanted to go directly to the kitchens. He liked seeing how they prepared the soups and baked the bread. What especially facinated him these days, was the added meat and how the cooks prepared it. 

As he walked through the door, the smell of steam and boiling beets met his nose. His mouth started watering and his stomach grumbled. When was the last time he ate something? While musing he walked deeper into the room. There were only four cadets there to prepare the food. 

"Oh, good morning, sir." 

Eren nodded in acknowledgment and walked over to the clay oven. He threw another log onto the fire, seeing the embers needed a little push, and clapped his hands free of debris. 

Next he moved to see how the food was cooking. He bussied himself for another five minutes before leaving for the laundry room. Eren walked along a service corridor meant for quick passage throughout the castle. Apparently it was meant as a servant's corridor back when the property belonged to some lord. Or whatever.

The laundry room smelled entirely different. The air wasn't as saturated with heat and steam, but the smell was more dominating. Soap and detergent stung his nose. No wonder Levi always wore a mask while cleaning. The dust isn't always the only issue to deal with. 

He sat down on a stool and dragged a bucket filled with soapy water closer. Some of the water sloshed over the side. He pulled out his bloodied handkerchief and set to ridding it of blood before it stained permanently.

Eren let his mind wander again while his hands worked. He needed a bath and a change if clothes. Sweat was covering his body and it made him feel dirty. 

What wasn't dirty; however, was the entire fucking castle. Levi was a slave driver the first two weeks and would blow a gasket whenever he found a speck of dust floating around. It was on the third week that he only came out of his room for food. And to use the latrines. 

Eren was too pissed off over being yelled at constantly to care about Levi's reasons for behaving like he did. He couldn't help but think about the day he finally snapped. Levi made them clean the outside walls. The outside of the damn castle. Then Levi even had the audacity to tell them it wasn't good enough. 

Throwing the water on him was the only thing he could think of to get the Captain to cool off.

And since then the midget has been sulking in his room day in and day out. The only person around here of sufficient rank to take over was him and Armin. And even then the recruits sneered at him behind his back. It doesn't matter that they saved their race - the people still saw them as titans.

Eren took a deep breath and powered through the stubborn stain that refused to wash away. His knuckles were getting uncomfortable, but he was almost done anyway.

If one more person throws rocks in his bed or hides his boots, then he's going to hunt them down and make them wish they weren't stupid enough to make him angry. Not to mention not being in the loop about what's going on at the front lines. 

One would think they would have gotten word already... Eren's frantic movements slowed down and he frowned while thinking. Didn't he give Captain Levi a letter just the other day? 

What was it all about anyway? Eren decided to go find out after he cleaned himself. He'll have to do it before meeting up with the others at the training field.

With a sigh he stood up and inspected his work. It wasn't nearly up to Levi's standards, but it will have to do. With that he went on his way. 

* * *

Eren wiped the sweat from his forehead and sat on the grass. Above him the sun was scorching down on him. The younger soldiers kept on with the obstacle course. All of them were covered in mud.

His chest kept heaving as he sat down and he felt a headache coming on. Was he going to have another nose bleed? At least this time he didn't have Levi breathing down his neck. Levi! 

Eren sat up, eyes going wide. He had completely forgotten to go to him! Eren rubbed his fingers over his temples.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't exactly finished yet, but I haven't updated in a month and a half. So I suppose giving you something is better than nothing.
> 
> Remember to be patient with me. 
> 
> Please.


	17. The Return Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Shows ominous thing* 
> 
> *Shouts* 
> 
> "WHO'S THAT POKÉMON?!"
> 
> \-------------------------------

Eren pushed himself up with the help of shaking arms. His knees popped. He took a deep breath, glanced back at the panting soldiers running the course, and took his leave. 

"Wait up!" Called a voice. 

A small smile pulled at his lip as he turned to face Armin. He watched his friend take a quick moment to collect himself - brushing gold hair from his glistening forehead.

"Quo vadis?" Blue eyes reflected his concern. 

Eren wondered if Armin was still worried about his nosebleeds. Internally he face palmed. Of course Armin was still concerned. It wasn't as if Eren has been sociable lately. He felt a bit guilty, for avoiding Armin. He just didn't want to bother his best friend with frivolous nonsense.

"I also read that line in my dad's books," He began, deciding to steer the conversation to a topic he knew Armin would gobble up: books. Eren already knew it roughly translated to - 'where are you going'.

"It's from a language called Lateins, right?"

Seeing the twinkle appear in Armin's eyes was worth the topic change. "Eren, your father's books are so facinating! Imagine all the information the Marlians have locked away in basements!" While speaking he gestured wildly with his hands, voice rising in pitch and pace.

Eren started walking towards the castle, not surprised that Armin fell into step beside him.

"I already read the first two and I know you're still busy with the last one, but I can't wait to get my hands on it. Eren! These people have machines like our carts, but they don't need horses to pull them! Imagine how fast we can get to places if we have something like that!"

While Armin rambled, Eren thought wryly that Armin would faint if he read about what's in the last book. The Marlians have something called "tellephones". He didn't really understand while reading, but he tought it worked like their smoke signals. Only... with long black snakes as thin as a pinky and... lightning? 

He should probably just give him the last book; maybe then Armin would make sense of it.

Before they even reached the door, they attention was grabbed by a shattering scream. 

Eyes wide, Eren spun around and scanned the training field. Over by the wall climbing obstacle he saw a soldier laying curled at the base. Others gathered around with panicked faces. 

Great, just what he needed - a soldier with a busted knee cap. 

"Go and get a medic." He told Armin and made his way back to the field.

"What happened?!" He called, halfway over. Some heads snapped towards him, but it seems that something else caught most of their attention. When Eren finally reached them, he looked at the girl who was still clutching her knee. 

"I saw-" She began and screwed her eyes shut, took a deep breath. 

Eren stared at her blankly.

"I saw Commander Hanji from up there and slipped." She finished and opened her eyes to look at him. 

Eren's brow furrowed. "So out of breath from running that the lightheadedness is making you hallucinate?" 

It was at this moment that Armin and the medic showed up. "Can you tell me your name?" Dr. Keller asked while putting the med pack down. 

"Helde." She responded with a grunt as the doctor helped her sit up. 

Eren watched as the doctor set about helping her. He turned to Armin. "What are the chances of delirium due to exhaustion?"

Armin blinked at the unexpected question. "I don't think so... why?" 

He frowned a bit in confusion. Why else would Helde say something so strange? "She said she saw Hanji." He responded thoughtfully. 

"But that's-" Before Armin could finish a bang-pop reached their ears. Like a one man army all eyes shifted to the sky. There between the trees, a flare was climbing into the clouds - trailing red smoke.

For a moment everyone stared dumbstruck. Until they snapped out of it. And then suddenly there was chaos.

Eren remembers what an ant hill looks like when water is thrown on it. Right about now, that was what the base looked like. The younger soldiers jumped up and looked around like startled rabbits.

Doctor Keller tied off the bandage he was busy with and shouted: "You, you," pointing at two soldiers as he spoke, "help me get Helde to the infirmary." The called upon soldiers did as ordered and the small group hurried off.

Eren decided to take the doctor's lead and take controll. He needed to get everyone organised. If titans - or (Maria forbid) Marlians - were on the way, they needed to gear up.

"Armin!" He shouted over the panicked chattering that filled up the training field. Blue eyes met his. "Get a squad ready and geared up!" He turned to face a group of wide eyed rookies. "You four come with me to the stables."

Eren reasoned that they at least need a few horses ready if a titan was about to fuck them up. Horses, after all, win wars. He would never tell Jean that. Never. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In terms of history and the development of technology and laguages, I must admit the AOT universe leaves a lot to imagination. Expect me to insert my thoughts and musings between the chapters. While integrating it into the story. It won't be seamless, though, I'm afraid 😅
> 
> On a different note.  
I appreciate all comments. They make me feel happy.  
That is all. Now off to bed, pip pip.


	18. The Return Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home sweet home.

_Shit, shit, shit. _

Levi thought as he tumbled out of his desk chair. He caught himself by planting his hand on the floor and twisting away from the seat. As quickly as his bare feet would allow, he rushed to the window. Both hands planted on opposite sides of the frame as he leaned closer and stared outside. 

Glazed eyes followed the trail of red smoke. 

_Shit. _

He looked at his desk, covered with used needles, a stolen box of matches and a spoon... some cotton balls. He looked at the warning signal again, sweat cooling on his forehead, as he thought.

_If I clear my desk before gearing up, I won't have enough time to get out there to take down the shitty titan. _

Levi frowned. What if it wasn't a titan? What if it was a shifter, like Eren and Armin? A Marlian Titan.

_SHIT._

Levi scrambled away from the window and headed for his gear. There was no time to lose! He had to keep the soldiers safe from whatever was out there.

* * *

Eren mounted his horse outside of the stables; manoeuvre gear strapped and ready. He looked at the newbies fumble with putting on their gear, hands shaking. 

He remembered back when that was him. How he could barely stay upright during training. Then again, he was never scared about facing titans like these... children were. 

Why was that? 

_I was probably too hyped about wiping out their existence to be afraid of them_.

But that's not entirely true, is it? His hands still shake, his heart beats faster, his forehead gets sweaty. Stress. And all that. But now. Knowing where titans came from...

Eren blinked out of that train of thought. He saw most recruits mounting their horses. They look nervous. One looked pale, on the verge of vomiting. 

_It's best not to feel at all. _He thought, curling the rains around his hand once and gripping the leather until his knuckles whitened. _It's easier to reign in the pain that way._

As soon as Klaus got on his steed and put his foot in the stirrup, Eren about faced his horse. "Get into formation. Move out!"

A chorus of agreement accompanied hoof beats as they raced to the gates. Dust clouded the courtyard. 

Before they could exit the gates, whinnying approached rapidly. Eren's eyes went wide. He pulled back on his reigns, bringing his horse to an abrupt stop.

The soldiers behind him stopped also, almost trampling him. 

When finally the dust cleared, Eren found his alarm replaced with shock. He had to tighten his grip and rebalance on the horse, for fear of falling off. 

"C-Commander?" Eren's eyes went wide. 

In the mouth of the gate was no other than Hanji. She was slumping heavily on her horse while looking at them with hooded eyes. Her hair was rumpled (not unusual) with mud covering her face (not unusual) and no shirt. 

"What the fuck?!" She croaked out, swaying in the saddle. 

Eren saw her blink and realised her goggles were missing. He also noticed how her face went as pale as cow ale. 

"Shit!" Eren was out of his saddle and at the commander's side. He caught her as she tumbled off the mare's back, arms lifting her off the ground. 

"Where's the medics?" She mumbled against his collar. 

Carrying her like this with the gear strapped around him, made Eren sweat. The commander was taller than him, so it was hard to balance her as he ran for the medical wing. 

He decided to ignore her question for now. "Are there any titans heading here?" He needed to know if his squad had to jump into the fray. More importantly, he needed to know if he had to follow them.

"Hmm?" She mumbled and turned her head away from him. 

"Come on, Commander, please focus." Eren hurried up the steps, thighs burning, and readjusted his hold on her. "Are there enemies on their way?"

Eren turned around and pushed the heavy wood door open with his back. His boots echoed off the sand stone floor as he hurried down the halls. 

"They're... not... every... dead. Not... ugh." The Commander rolled around in his arms while mumbling. 

Eren slowed down as he had difficulty keeping his grip on her as she kept struggling. He lowered her down and watched as she clutched her stomach. 

He knew where this was going. And there weren't any supply closets nearby for him to get a bucket from. 

When she heaved Eren closed his eyes and turned his head. Now he'll have to go looking for a mop instead. 

Mustering up his resolve, he crouched down. He reached out and put a warm hand over her trembling back. "It's okay now, Commander, I'll get you to a doctor. Just let it all out."

He wasn't sure what was making her sick. Did she have an injury? Eren scanned her quickly while she heaved for breath. He didn't see any blood. Asking her more questions was not an option.

"Come on," Eren took her arm and guided it around his shoulder, "up you get." He grunted as he took her weight upon himself. While looking down he noticed her unsteady legs. Walking wasn't an option either. 

_Why didn't I ask Klaus to help me?_

* * *

Levi leaned against the stone wall. No matter what he couldn't get his breathing under controll. It felt like the flames in the lanterns were flickering too much. All around him the shadows turned and turned. It was a strange dance that crept along the walls and into corners. 

His guts trembled.

Quivering like a blade of grass in a storm, Levi pushed away from the wall. He kept his hand on the smooth stone. His fingernails clenched into nothing, scraping small marks onto the surface. 

Breathe. He needed to breathe. 

Levi clenched his eyes shut; arm muscles shuddering. Sweat soaked his clothes. His beard was damp with the disgusting sweat, but he couldn't focus on that right now. 

He. He had to get out of here. 

Levi sucked in a breath, his chest rattling like chains. He... he needed to get out. The walls around him stepped closer. Their shadowy arms came in for a hug.

His legs trembled, until his knees buckled and he sunk down onto his haunches. 

Levi brought his arms up around his head and covered his ears, eyes clamped shut. 

No. No no no no. No.

No.

_No._ His mind whispered. 

He rocked back and forth, willing the sudden fear away. Levi's throat tightened. Shit. 

Even though he closed himself off... he still felt - 

What was this?

Why did he suddenly forget how to breathe? Why did walking down the stairs cause this? He remembered turning the corner... Eren was there. The brat was carrying... 

Levi made a high pitched noise in the back of his throat. He didn't hear it, he felt his throat clenching down. It was unlikely he made that noise before in his life. 

Hanji. 

She was alive. 

Alive.

He thought... when the Colossal Titan transformed hours ago. He thought. The blast... and the heat. How did Hanji survive that? 

And he was... the house he was clearing of hostiles... was that before or after the Colossal?

And then there were flying machines... things coming out of them... dropping down... thunder that split the earth... one of them flew over the house he was in.

Levi heard somehing. He looked up at the basement's roof, and listened carefully. A far off buzzing like a humming bird - and then a whistling sound. He lifted his lantern. Was there a broken steampipe in here? 

There were only thick wooden beams supporting the foundation, the ceiling looked waterlogged.

The ground shook beneath his feet. A heavy rumbling.The trembling had him stagger, lantern dropping to the floor - glass shattering.

"For fuck's sake." He grunted into the darkness. The smell of oil met his nose. 

He looked around the darkness, eyes readjusting, and only found moulding blankets. There weren't any enemies hiding out in here. 

Then the buzzing got closer, rapidly approaching. Levi stepped towards the stairs, boots crunching on glass. Another whistling sound, coming towards him.

"What in the goddamn-"

Then another vibration knocked him off his feet. He landed in the puddle of oil - still warm - and the beams overhead groaned and cracked. His eyes went wide. Just as the roof caved in on top of him.

He couldn't breathe. Dust stormed into his lungs with his next desperate inhale. The precious air he got was coughed right back out. Levi's chest heaved. And heaved.

He got up on his elbow, used his leg to get up and make a run for the stiars, only for the support beam to fall on top of his leg. 

The sudden pressure pushed him back so abruptly he hit his head against the ground... and he knew nothing more.

Until. Until he heard Hanji's voice. And then there was light. When was that? Before or after she left to fight the Marlians? 

He... he needed to clean the barracks, Eren... and Armin, they didn't clean the bathrooms good enough... he has to check that... 

And...

Hanji isn't there. She's not getting him. Walls all around. Dark. Dark. Can't breathe. 

Fuck.

Levi rocked. Back and forth back and forth. No. No. She. Hanji. She's alive. She's here. He was going to see her. How long was she gone? 

When he opened his eyes, and removed his trembling arms, silence ensconced him. The silence, broken only by approaching whispers. Was that Yeager? What was he saying? 

Levi sat down completely and leaned his shoulder against the wall. His head lolled and hit the stone with a muffled thump. He listened carefully. 

"... get you fixed up... almost there."

They were going to the infirmary? Was she hurt? What happened? 

Levi blinked slowly. Wait. Wasn't he going to gear up? The red flare - was that just Hanji signalling her approach? What a waste of resources, he thought. 

Then the door opened and Levi looked up. Eren stared at him, Hanji in his arms. "Sir?" He said. Levi saw a slight frown form between Yeager's brows. 

He looked at the manoeuvre gear strapped to him. It can't be easy holding her weight with all that. Levi stook up, back sliding against the wall for support. 

"I can take her." He replied, voice sounding distant as he looked at her. "She's so pale." And where was he shirt? Did she use it to bind a wound? She didn't look injured - just a lot of mud everywhere. He went to take her from Yeager. 

Eren took a step back and tightened his hold on the Commander, his eyes glinting with weariness. "I don't think you should do that, sir." 

Levi clenched his jaw. "Who are you to think that?" He stepped forward, hands reaching out, only for Yeager to bypass him swiftly and walk up three steps on the stairs. 

"You look like you need the infirmary as much as she does." He replied, his voice flat. 

Levi looked at the soldier for a moment, felt the shakiness in his legs. He wants to take Hanji and carry her. He needs to, but...

"Will you escort us there, sir?" Eren asks, something in his voice softens. 

He glances at Hanji, sees her eyes moving under her lids. She needs help. At the moment he can't give it to her. Levi nods, and starts taking the stairs, step by shaky step, leaning against the wall. 

Behind him, Yeager follows. 

When they reach the infirmary and Hanji is placed on a bed, Doctor Swartz at her side, Levi can only stare. The world around him zones out, and he only sees Hanji. 

She's safe. Here. Alive. 

And suddenly he feels their roles reversed. All those months ago (or was it weeks?) he was the one in the bed. 

There are hands on his shoulders, dragging him away, and he lets them. He lets himself be pulled from the infirmary, because he knows...

"I can't help her like she helped me." He whispers, to himself. The world around him loses sound, loses colour. All he sees is Hanji on a cot, looking as he once did.

There was nothing stopping him from thinking that he was still pinned down in that basement. Levi lifted his hand and felt the back of his head. The scar was hidden by his oily hair. But it was there.

Was this all a dream? If so, then why did this all feel so real?

The doors closing, cut off his field of vision, locking Hanji out of his sight. 

His back hit a wall, a palm splayed over his chest holding him in place, eyes glaring at him. Green eyes.

The world popped back and sound finally reached his ear. He registered Yeager breathing heavily, jaw clenched, lips in a tight line. 

"You won't see her until you get yourself together. The Commander doesn't need to handle your crap on top of her stress." With that Yeager turned on his heel and marched away. 

Levi leaned against the wall - staring straight ahead. His skin itched. He knew what would make this heavy feeling in his chest go away. He just needed to fix himself. He just needed some medicine to deal with this.

He licked his chapped lips and pushed away from the cole stone. And made his way to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took long, but is longer. Thanks for the wait. 
> 
> From here on out we can focus on the Levi/Hanji stuff, so that's also something to look forward to.
> 
> I need to do the pee pee, so enjoy the read. Bathroom break time.


	19. Terrifying The Locals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know Hanji is back when you can hear her cackle from miles away. Or feel a shiver when someone says: "research".

"Food poisoning?" Hanji blinked at the doctor. He was standing at her elbow. Who would have guessed that eating mouldy food would make her sick? Well, lesson learned. No more eating food that doesn't look like food anymore. 

"That's what the results say, Commander. Give it another day and you will be back in the saddle." Swartz smiled at her. "Just rest for now and get your strength back." With a nod he walked away to attend to a cadet she recognised as Helde. 

She looked to be in pain, indicated by the way her face was scrunched up. Hanji wondered why they didn't give her any pain medication. 

With a frown she looked at the infirmary doors. It had been three days and she hadn't heard a peep from Levi.

Honestly, was her little grumpy-poo avoiding her? It wasn't ideal - having to leave without him - but she didn't think he would hold a grudge against her even now.

His absence made her stomach clench. She didn't like being avoided - especially by him. After everything she's seen... all she wanted was to hold him close. 

The doors swung open.

Hanji sat up straighter and began to smile. When she saw Eren instead of Levi her shoulders drooped and she sat back into her pillows. 

"Good morning, Commander." He greeted politely and lifted a stool closer to sit next to her cot. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that you're here." Hanji lifted her chin and forced one of her manic smiles. Eren smiled awkwardly and looked at her hesitantly. 

"And why is that?"

Her smile became genuine. "You can help clear some things up." Eren adjusted himself and raised an eyebrow. He put his hands on his knees, feet apart. 

Well - at least he was keeping his posture open. Hanji took his receptive body language as a sign to continue. "Well, for one I am wondering where the requested resources are?" 

His head tilted to the right and his expression turned a frown. "I don't know how to answer, Commander," he took a breath, "what do you mean by that?"

Eren seemed genuine. Did he really not know? Well, perhaps he wasn't the right person to ask. Hanji knew her letter was delivered, so - the only people authorised to have read it would be...

"Hm, perhaps I should ask Armin more about it." She murmured and looked at her hands. Although, based on the way this infirmary was running, resources don't seem to be in full supply around here. So without asking, she knew Armin won't have the answers she wants. 

"If you want, I can go get him? I just saw him heading for the barracks." Eren stood up, but Hanji waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Don't go through the trouble for me, darling, you just got here - you can send Armin here when you leave - so how's about you tell me the reason for your visit?" She reached up and adjusted her glasses. The left lens was cracked, but it didn't much matter. She only needed the right one, she thought wryly. 

"I just wanted some... professional insight" Eren began cryptically. He moved in his chair again, drawing himself in. Interesting. She recognised that posture. He acted the same way when Levi sat next to him after kicking his tooth out in the courthouse. Thinking about it, one wouldn't believe that happened only last year. 

He was... shy isn't the right word... skittish? Perhaps. 

"Oh, please share, Eren, you have me at the edge of my bed here." As a matter of fact she didn't want to move an inch. Hanji didn't want to run the risk of falling off. 

"Uhm, well, I was wondering if... morphine could be... I don't know... made into something stronger?" 

Well that wasn't what she had expected at all. Something sex related, absolutely. Eren was still a teenager after all. But this... well, something like this doesn't just come out of the blue. 

Was he worried about the lack of supplies, or did he read something in those journals from the basement? 

"What an interesting question! I'm not entirely sure on the science, but I'm sure it's possible if you refine it." She appraised the boy across from her and considered the posibility of him inheriting a scientific curiosity from his father. 

Being interested in a certain field of study isn't genetic, but throw in a little titan juice and a wagon full of others' memories...

"Hmmm."

"What's that now?" Eren asked.

Did she just think out loud? Hanji scrutinized her favourite subject's expression. His green eyes were filled with weary trepidation. Almost a similar expression one would give while waiting to be hit over the head.

"HAHAHAHA!! I was just thinking about you in a lab coat! Can you imagine THAT!! HahaHaHAHAHA!" She sucked in overly dramatic gulps of air and wiped a fake tear from her eye. 

Eren smiled awkwardly. "Y-yeah, that is kind of... weird. Okaybyecommandernicechattingwithyou." Abruptly standing up, Eren gave a quick salute then scampered towards the door.

"Nooooooooo~ come baaaaaack~ I want to explore your thought process! Don't leave me like this!" She shouted at his back just as the doors closed behind him. Damn. She chased away her only source of entertainment. 

What was she going to do now? 

A mischievous glint came to her eye and a devious smile to her lips as she turned her attention to Helde. 

"Soooo..." Hanji began, drawing the wide-eyed attention of the innocent cadet. "Want to hear about my titan research?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me working hard. I can feel my writing both improving and backtracking at the same time. 
> 
> Just another day for the survey core.


	20. Heyo Heichou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFFFFFFF

Levi tilts his head to the right and brings up his knife. He stares at his reflection through the water as he works. With precision, he glides the sharp edge along his jaw, razing his beard. 

He doesn't want to get rid of all of it, thinking maybe Hanji will like the new look. However; Levi doesn't want to look like some underground urchin, so the scruffiness will have to go. 

His reflection morphs as he turns his head to the left. The knife cuts cleanly - led by a steady hand. Levi doesn't remember the last time his hands didn't shake.

The knife taps against the rim and dislodges the soap and hair. Finished. 

Levi splashes his face with the luke warm water and wipes his knife. 

He smiles to himself and thinks: '_Do unicorns have beards?'_

* * *

His room is spotless, his uniform smells _clean _and his back is straight. Yeager won't be able to keep him from Hanji, even if he turned titan. 

Levi locks his bottom drawer and crosses his fingers that no one wil snoop around.

* * *

"What -" Eren screeches when Levi walks up to him. 

Levi would have been annoyed, but he can't blame the brat. This is the first time in weeks - _months _\- that he looks as composed as he is. He gives credit for his composure to it being a nice day. 

The weather cleared up - it was warm. And Hanji is back. 

"Haven't I told you before to close your maw?" He snaps, without bite. 

Eren only smiles - and when was the last time he saw the brat smiling? Levi isn't sure if he should be sad or angry that the world took Eren's spark. 

Anger is more familliar, so he settles on that. 

"Your teeth burning up, or are you just smiling to air out the smell?" Levi shifts his weight and crosses his arms. 

"Just surprised to see you visit, sir." Eren's smile doesn't go away. They stare at each other. 

Levi's not sure how to follow up. He's not exactly a conversationalist. He shifts his weight again, feeling weirdly scrutinized under Eren's green eyes. How is a person allowed to have such pretty eyes? 

"Just let me in already, Eren." Levi wants his words to come out as a command, instead they sound resigned. 

"Oh! Well, I would, but Commander Hanji told me she wants to finish some paperwork before letting anyone into her office -" He rubs the back of his neck again, like he did when he was younger. How un-soldier-like.

Levi lifts an eyebrow.

He wonders how his expressions are changed by the addition of his beard. Maybe he should practice some new scowls to use on Yeager. Is he more intimidating with a beard?

Eren gulps and drops his hand.

Hehehe. Yes, his beard certainly helps.

"Go right on in." He squeeks and steps aside.

* * *

Levi stares. 

He can't help it. 

* * *

Hanji hears the door open and feels cool air flow against her nape. She was going to throttle Eren. What part of "do not disturb" doesn't he understand?

"Whatever it is, it can wait." She grumbles and hunches further over the desk - scratching furiously with her pen. The infirmary having no supplies was the least of her worries - she had to draft a formal request for resources for all types of stuff - soap being the foremost on her list. 

"Oh?"

Hanji freezes, fingers going limp. Her pen slips and clatters on the desk. That _voice. _Her heart rate increases and she feels herself begin to shake from excitement. 

"SHMOOPY!!!" She yells and flings herself from the chair. Hanji is across the room in a second. Outstretched arms swoop down on her little grump and pulls him closer. 

Hanji presses her face in his neck and sniffs. Hell yeah! He still smells like soap and Jasmine tea. Instantly her smile widens.She tightens her grip and starts swaying from side to side. 

It takes a second or two, but she is pleased when she feels Levi's arms finally wrap around her. Warmth settles between their bodies. 

Hanji allows herself to just stand there and sway. She rubs her hand up and down along Levi's spine. His chest presses against her as he takes a deep breath. Hanji feels him shudder. 

Poor little boop probably didn't have any hugs while she was gone. The stubborn little shit doesn't even like being touched by anyone. What kind of life is that - not having any cuddles? 

Neither of them wanted to break the silence or pull away. She decides to move her face instead. Honestly, she hasn't seen her shmoopy in so long - he feels skinnier - and wonders if his face lost some fat, too. 

Hanji squishes her cheek against Levi's -

Wait.

What kind of trickery is this? Why does it feel like Levi has a floofy blanket on his face?! Hanji blinks rapidly, and moves her face up and down. No - that's definitely not how she remembers Levi's cheek to feel like. 

"Heh?" She says with grace and poise - the likes of which Queen Historia never could posses. 

"You're chafing my cheek, darling." He muttered.

Oh that _voice _rumbling down her skin. Hanji felt tingles all over. Wait... did he just -

"**_Darling_**?!" She screeches - right in his ear - loud enough for him to startle and pull back. Hanji tightened her grip around his ribs, unwiling to let her little grump go. 

Her satisfaction with his lasting embrace was distracted by Levi's new fassion statement.

"Oh hello there." She whispers. For her a whisper would be a little softer than a normal volume, she thinks - distantly - and brings up her hands. 

Hanji brushes her fingers over a neatly trimmed beard. It's so _soft_. She feels Levi's comfortable exhales on her pinky as she traces her thumb up his cheek.

"When did you grow, hmm little guy?" 

* * *

Levi feels himself melt. She was talking to his _beard_. He didn't know how much he would miss Hanji's craziness, but now that she is here, he feels a warmth grow in his heart.

Her hands are calloused against his ears as she gently moves to massage them. Levi focuses on the warmth of her body as he hugs her close. 

The need to close his eyes and sink into her touch was strong. Levi fights to keep his eyes open and only manages about halfway. With hooded eyes he looks at Hanji's face as she keeps petting him.

Her eyepatch was off and replaced by her glasses, one lens cracked. Levi also notices the drawn lines on her face that weren't there before. She looks as tired as he feels. 

The light from the window behind her, casts a halo around her hair, making her figure softer. Shit, she's beautiful. 

Before he even processes what he is doing, Levi leans forward and slots his lips against Hanji's. He feels her gasp in surprise. Then she presses back. And they are kissing. 

This time Levi closes his eyes and flies.

His arms tighten around Hanji as he feels her guide both of them to her chair. She sits down suddenly, breaking the kiss, but not for longer than it takes to pull him down onto her lap.

Levi stradles her, strong thighs around her hips and arms around her shoulders. He looks into her eyes and sees her wide blown pupils. 

The warmth in his heart moves south. 

"You are so sexy, Shmoopy." Hanji pants and glides both hands up to cup his face and bring him in closer. 

When their lips meet again, Levi lets out a moan - hips stuttering forward involuntarily. Sparks pop in his head. He shudders at the feeling. 

"Hmmm, when did _you _grow, big fella?" Hanji mumbles against his lips and smiles. He isn't sure if he should be embarrassed or more turned on that she is talking to his boner. 

All thought jumps out the window when he feels her hands trail down his chest to his stomach.

Then she cups him and squeezes and all breath leaves his lungs. His hips push forward and the friction makes his eyes roll back. Levi pants as his back arches and his thighs tremble. 

Hanji is there with a warm palm against his bare skin as she slides her hand under his shirt and against the small of his back. She presses down and rubs as her other hand works on opening his trousers. 

"Y-you're gonna get me off in your office chair?" He swallows once and works on keeping his breathing level even though his heart rate is through the roof.

"Oh, hush, you haven't let me touch you like this in a while," her eyes get a glint to them and her smile turns sly, "but if you want to wait until tonight when we're in our room..." she trails off while slipping her hand into his open fly.

The moment her warm palm wraps around his erection, his brain fizzles out. 

Levi's breath hitches.

He leans forward and kisses her again - slow and sweet, before resting his forehead against hers and breathing: "I want to make you feel good, too."

"Then let me do this for you, Love." She whispers back - an actual whisper this time - and kisses him while her hand starts moving. 

Levi lets himself swim in the felicity of her touch - feels himself fly when he reaches climax - and drowns in her embrace afterwards. 

He feels himself drifting to sleep slumped against her, as Hanji combs her hand through his hair. 

"I love you." He murmurs against her collarbone. Levi loves this woman. He loves her so much. And reaching his climax by her hand was nothing compared to being able to rest in her strong embrace. 

He's glad she's home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave myself anxiety 😣trying to write some smut for ya'al bitches. I'm not used to this! 😫I need... I need to go breathe. 😓Oh fuck.
> 
> Also the fluff kinda turned into smut😖. I'm sorry. I don't know how to write happy shit. 🙃
> 
> Depressing stuff is my default setting 😅
> 
> Also this is the first dirty stuff I've ever written. So if it's bad, it's because I don't know wtf I'm doing.


	21. The Brawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MOOOOOORTAAAAAL KOMBAAAAAT
> 
> ARMIN ARLERT VS. EREN YEAGER!!
> 
> FINISH HIM!!!!!

Hanji wakes up first. 

She feels Levi's body press warm against her. With a smile she turns around, looks at her little grumpy, and lifts her arm to drape it over his bare shoulder. Hanji sinks into her pillow; enjoying the serenity.

A few minutes pass where she just watches Levi's sleeping face. His little nose and always-pouting-lips were so cute when they weren't all... angry. Also his new beard. She thinks it makes him look softer, like a fuzzy peach. 

If he ever asks, she'll say it makes him look intimidating. He'll like that - to think he's scary, that is. 

Man, she wishes she could stay here the whole day. Just soaking up Levi's presence. Hanji feels more relaxed than she has in a long time. Today was going to be such a good day.

Maybe she'll finish early with her duties (_which at this point means 'do what I can before the rest is out of my hands'_) and get some time to spend with her munchkin. 

She gazes at him with feathers in her eyes. 

One of these days the war will be over. Then they don't have to waste all their time on dumb things. Like paperwork. And finding out where her request for supplies went. And bathing. 

Okay, maybe not the last one. Levi won't be happy unless she was a polished blade, a gleaming boot - a... Hanji ran out of ideas. 

What she didn't run out of, was her determination. Today was the day she'll find out who's responsible for the communication error. 

And so, Hanji got up (careful not to wake her schmoopy) and set to work.

  


* * *

  


Levi hates wasting food. Around him all the recruits are chatting away, eating their mush, while he stirs his - absentminded. 

He's not really hungry.

He's about to push his bowl away when-

"Hey, Captain." Eren says and sits across from him. Arlert is right at the brat's elbow. 

"Good morning, sir." Arlert takes a bite from his oatmeal. 

"What are you doing?" Levi narrows his eyes. Eren raises a brow.

"Eating, Captain." The little shit even takes a bite. 

Levi balls his fist. Arlert catches on quickly, though. 

"We're doing extra training today, sir, so it's best if we keep our strength up." He gives a pointed look at Levi's bowl. 

Well, isn't he just a helpful little babysitter? Levi takes a calming breath and forces himself to take a bite. He has to bite his tongue when he sees Eren nod approvingly and Arlert crack a smile. 

"So," Eren lifts his spoon slowly and looks at him from beneath his bangs, "you spoke to Commander Hanji last night?" 

Speak? Not... exactly. Levi smiles on the inside. On the outside he keeps his face blank. 

Without answering he takes another bite, just so he has an excuse not to talk. After swallowing - 

"If you want news, go ask her yourself." He quipped. Levi suspects Eren wants an update on his adopted sister. Here's to hoping she ain't dead. He took another bite, grimacing. 

This tastes like shit.

Arlert keeps glancing at him. Levi catches his eye. Those blue eyes quickly turn to Eren. Hm. He must still be jumpy after their little staircase standoff. Levi had almost forgotten about that. 

"So, how far are you with Grisha's Journals?" Arlert turns to Eren a bit.

Eren shrugs. "I'll bring them to you later. If the Commander doesn't want them first, that is." 

Levi allows himself to relax now that their focus is not on him. He listens to them talking about what Eren read and how different Marlian technology is from theirs.

At some point he finishes his food and stands up. His skin was crawling and his thoughts kept going to his locked wardrobe...

Training comes first.

Levi wants to feel his muscles ache. That, and Armin needs to master his titan abilities before they are deployed. Who else was going to train him... or cut him down when he loses control?

  


* * *

  


Hanji stays at the edge of the field and watches Armin transform again. Titan Eren takes a fighting stance. 

Hot wind blows her hair around.

If she narrows her eye she can make out Levi blurring through the trees with his ODM gear. They're still at it. 

Many of the recruits are busy with assignments - done with training for the day. In another hour or so the sun will be gone. 

Earlier she tracked down the messanger.

He was hard to find.

(Running around delivering messages during a war turns out to be a full time job.)

He told her the letter was given to Eren. Who was ordered to give it to his commanding officer. Who just so happens to be Levi.

Which is a disaster in and of itself, seeing as Levi can't read. What she wants to know is why her schmoopy didn't order Alert to read it for him. 

Was is a pride thing?

It was probably a pride thing. It's Levi, for crying out loud! 

Nonetheless she's about to have _words _with this group of idiots. And Armin. 

She waits with nails in her feet while the two titans clash and go at it. At one point Eren starts climbing Armin's leg like some kind of spider. Hanji cackles when the Colossal flicks his foot gently and sends Eren flying. 

The things she can _accomplish _with these guys on the front line. 

Already her mind starts making plans. 

There's an ear-bleeding roar as Eren lunges from the trees and runs full force towards Armin. 

She shakes her head. Eren must be really dumb in his titan form is he thinks that will work. 

Then he does something she didn't expect.

About three meters away from impact, Eren hardens his hands into sharp talons. That's not all. Glacier white armour crusts over his shoulders and down his spine - creating vicious looking spikes. 

From this angle Hanji also sees him making his toes into talons and his legs armoured. 

In the fading light he looks like a purple-ly blue-y menace of death. 

He jumps onto Armin's leg and digs those claws in. This time when Armin flicks, Eren doesn't budge. 

Huge clumsy hands go to pull him off, but are torn ti shreds on the spikes. 

Eren keeps climbing.

Then Armin starts with the steam. Eren keeps climbing, despite the molten heat.

Even from this distance, Hanji wipes the sweat off her face. The heat keeps trying to take her back to the past - how she'd barely survived... if it wasn't for that well - 

"How long before you think Eren's gonna claw Arlert's eyes out?" 

Hanji jumps and turns around. 

Levi walks up next to her, clothes soaked with sweat. 

"WHO GIVES A CRAP?! SiNce WhEn CaN EreN Do THAT?!" She screeches and hears herself squeaking excitedly. Oh the possibilities! 

Levi scoffs and crosses his arms. 

"Calm down, your screaming rivals the brat's." 

Hanji ignores him and starts bouncing up and down. With this armour they can use Eren to attack the heavy artillery. Heck, maybe even take out those ships that fly in the air. 

(The image of Colossal Armin throwing a curled up Armoured Eren like a cannonball is her favourite.)

And then she snaps back to reality and remembers why she's here.

"Training time is over. Now cut those two out and all of you come to my office. We have some things to discuss."

Levi raises a fine eyebrow. With his beard the action just looks even sexier. He nods, despite the question in his eyes, and Hanji knows she can count on him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shit chapter. 
> 
> This fic's 1 year anniversary is coming up. Huh. Compared to where I was last year... 
> 
> Huh. Who knew fanfiction serves a purpose?


End file.
